entertainment · relationship advice

Keep digging, B*tch – UdyPranks

I love Youtube. I go on there for pretty much for any entertainment videos. And I spot some Youtubers ; big and small. Anyway, I’ve seen a lot of Gold Digging Pranks that are highly popularized on media. They all say females get attracted to money and power. I grew up with mostly non-gold diggers in my life. I do have a few female relatives who are highly and obviously gold digging worthy. If this blog can get passed onto a youtuber who goes by the name UDYpranks, I want to test my female cousin to see if she’s really a gold digger. Let me know. Just kidding. I don’t want to expose my family on the internet. But I am positive that I have relatives who are attracted to money. Growing up, my mother always give me this relationship advice. “If you find someone better, be honest and dump your current boyfriend.” I don’t know what she meant by that.

I thought she meant if the guy’s personality is a whacked up, I deserve better. No. I now know what she meant. I currently have a boyfriend who grew up poor most of his life. His father was a single teenage dad who juggled between college and work for his son. They both moved around a lot because rent can get expensive and he doesn’t have a permanent home. Until August of 2016, they finally found a nice 3 bedroom apartment in Downey, along with his step family. My boyfriend’s father is a licensed engineer/doctor for prosthetic legs. Basically, he helps people with abnormal legs/feet to make it look normal. It’s good money. My mom knows that. She’s fine with my boyfriend, but at the same time, she has disagreements. I recently applied to this job in an office. It’s basically a nursing office where the company sends their nurses to patients who need 24/7 home care after getting discharged from a hospital. The position I applied for is a referral coordinator/data entry where the person handles emails/phone calls and paperwork. Meanwhile, they must translate because most of the patients don’t speak English.

I told my mom about the job and I mention how I’ll be around doctors if I got accepted. Unfortunately, they denied me. But it’s okay. I tried my best. Anyway, my mom implied that if I do get the job and if  a nice handsome doctor hits on me. It’d be best if I ditch my current boyfriend and run off with the doctor.  I get there’s a bit of her that wants me to be financially welled off in my future. But at the same time, I feel most of her sounds like she want me to become a gold digger. And it wasn’t a joke. I was shocked and I finally know what she meant by finding someone better. It’s a shame how society views women are the gold diggers. It’s kinda true by 0.01%. There are gold diggers, but they are girls like me that don’t need a billionaire to sweep off our feet.

If a guy in a tuxedo comes down on a parachute, he tells me he’s loaded with money and gets down on one knee. I’d reject that. Because money isn’t everything. Of course, it’s important to pay off your everyday needs. House, food, and clothing. But for your pleasure, it’s kinda embarrassing. Everyone would do anything for money. We need it. But money can’t bring happiness. I’ve  heard stories where people got high paying jobs and are miserable. I rather have a job where I’m proud to be there and make use of it. In other words, I just want to be financially stable. Not too rich. Not too poor. Just somewhere in the middle. And trust me. I met guys with money in college. They go to school and work, but they don’t got the brains and heart. So for single guys out there, don’t give up. I’m sure there’s a girl with a heart of gold. Keep gotta keep your head up and who knows. Maybe there is that nice girl out there. You may never know.

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American’s Education is shit

The education system in the United States is a piece of shit. Every kid being shoved in pre-K to 12th grade is being robbed of their education every day. Teachers are either there for their paycheck or being told by district to teach by the book. In my early days of school career, I wasn’t that kid that enjoys school. I was given so much information and expected to memorize like a robot. If I could scan everything like a machine, then I’d probably be in University, wondering what the heck I’m doing with a medical degree that is not meant for me. I don’t hate school. I love education. It’s what inspires me to become an English major and I hope to use what I learn to pass onto my children. But when I was a kid, I just felt uninspired and tutors I had were hard on me. My brain doesn’t soak any information like a sponge no matter how much I studied. I just need inspiration as a kid.

But all I got were robots and the system blames me for not studying hard enough. I probably thought I was dumb in education, so I flew by like a fly on a windshield. As I got older, my college professors complained of how education is rigged. I was shocked to hear how it is true that my childhood education was unfair. Even I first started college, I felt like all missing information behind closed doors were suddenly revealed. I always wonder where they came from. I don’t think education should be limited as children. I believe everyone deserves a good education. People should be dedicated into teaching as well as inspiring the next generation. Not to make them as cooperate robots in their cubical offices. They are a lot of people with an excellent GPA but no skills can’t do their job. And people with poor grades that are reduced to being unintelligent but they are really the brightest people I know. It is true. It’s why all the other countries are beating us in the Education department. So much for a bigger future for our future generation.

personal

Sad Women = Must have something to do with a guy?

A while ago, I visited my mom’s friend’s shop in San Gabriel. My mom and her had been friends for over 20 years. I call her “Aunt Tammy”. I’m not fairly close to her nor do I have a certain bond. But she’s pretty cool, I guess. So my mom, brother, and I dropped by to get something from her shop. In the shop, she sells Chinese herbs and minerals. I don’t know why lately everyone (including my family) commented on my weight. When I was single, they usually blame it on my diet. Not eating enough. Now I have a boyfriend, my mom blames it on the guy. I’m like what? Ok, that’s a bit bizarre. A guy doesn’t affect my diet nor do I have the intension to lose weight. I don’t know how my weight drops a few pounds. But I can guarantee you that I’m not endangering myself. These are my meals. For breakfast, I haven’t ate a meal since high school. Ever since I enrolled in college, I don’t have time to eat breakfast. So I pour a cup of milk and that’s my breakfast. Lunch and dinner I do eat. Lunch is usually when I pig out a lot because no breakfast in the stomach.

Ok, maybe not eating breakfast is a bad idea. I don’t know. Lately, I don’t like eating in the morning. When I was younger, I usually have breakfast. Mostly because school serves breakfast. I feel I have more time to eat in the morning. College got me incredibly lazy. Anyway, somehow my sadness becomes the logic of “Must have something to do with a guy”. Ok, first of all, if there was a relationship problem, I would’ve talked it out with my boyfriend privately. Second, even if I was sad about a guy, I wouldn’t let “him” affect my diet. A girl could be sad about a million things and not one of them has to be a guy. I don’t understand these people’s logic. Even when I was single, people like to assume I’m in a relationship and the guy is being an ass to me. My family just blames on my lack of eating. Their solution to get fatter is to eat more. Well, I can’t gain weight no matter how much I eat. My weight never moves. I don’t know what they want from me. I gain weight. “Ok, that’s good. But don’t be too fat.”  I come back 6 months later with the same weight. “Oh my god. Have you gotten skinner? Eat more!” It’s like ugh! What do you want? Now that I am in a relationship, people assume it’s probably the guy’s fault. I’m like whoa. Take it easy. Look a word of advice for people. Never assume a sad woman’s problem is a guy. If you want to know, maybe ask her if she look like she want to talk to someone.

parenting · personal · Uncategorized

College Student with Parent Problems

For 10 years, I never have a decent relationship with my parents. My dad is cool, but I don’t really talk to him due to his job as a full time business man job. My mom, on the other hand, did all the parenting. She had been a stay-at-mom for 20 years. Never had a job. Always focus on the household, kids, and finance. Growing up, she always have been on my case for every imperfection I had. Not getting As and Bs. No awards coming home. Maybe 1 or 2 honor rolls. And no strong communication. There was a lot of yelling and lecturing. She always sees me as the loser of the family. I always hear stories of my 2nd cousins from her side succeeding academically. They all went to a 4 year University after high school. Graduated with a professions degree. Went to graduate school. And made lots of money. At the same time, they all got into relationships and build their own family before age 30.

That, to my mom, is the perfect robot life that all Asian kids should have. I’ve had complained and rant about her for the last 10 years of my life. Nothing has changed with this woman. Everything I do is a failure to her. The fact I’m attending at a community college equals to lowest education on the planet. A job that barely makes money. And no drivers license. I’m basically going at a slow pace. She believes I’m wasting my time and doesn’t understand or even look on the positive note. I don’t know how much longer do I have to keep complaining about her. Every time, I went someone new or am around my friends, I ramble how awful my mother is. Anyone that doesn’t know her assumes she’s a nice woman. Well, she’s not. To me, she is the worst parent on Earth. There can’t be any parent that’s worse than my mother.

My mother has her fair share of a horrible mother. My maternal grandmother currently now has dementia/Alzheimer’s. But before she was diagnosed with such illness, my grandmother used to beat my mother and favors her younger sister the most. My mom grew up as the oldest of 3 kids. I don’t really hear much about her childhood now these days. But when I was a kid, my mom would tell (or should I say boast) about how great of a role model she is for her younger siblings. She boasts about having great academic skills, no bullies in her life, was so popular among men, etc. But everything she does is not pleasing to her mother. Sounds familiar, mom? I think she forgot all about it since she’s so focused on caring for my Alzheimer’s grandmother and trying to play the “older sibling” card.

Unlike her, I rebelled emotionally against my mother. I would lie to her about certain stuff. Mostly personal and school academics. Since she always want me to study 24/7 and such. At the same time, she wants me to have more friends yet hold high standards for them as well. Her mentality of having a group of friends is “the stupid goes with stupid” and the “smart goes with smart”. I feel that is true since I can’t communicate with anyone from a high class University, has a lot of money, and living their life. I’ve met people. I talk to them one day. The next you know they become more of an acquaintance. My friends would tell me “Just forget about her. Focus on what you want to do. You are your own person.” Truth to be told, it’s hard not to think about the emotional stress my mother put on me. One day, we’re fine. The next minute, I hear her complaining to a relative about how ungrateful and failure I am. Then I have to quietly ramble on and on about her being the uneducated and stupidest person on the planet. She always find something in the past of mine to pick on and call me the “worst daughter”.

With all of that stress inside of me, I always worry how I will act upon my own daughter. I can only hope for the best to try to not become like my mother. I mean, I grew up here. I don’t want to put the same emotional stress on my kids. Whether dream they have, I will support them. How they live their live is on their hands. I can only hope and guild them to the right path. At the same time, they shouldn’t fear of being alone. They can come talk to me if they need emotional support. I want to be the best mother I can be. My goal is not become like my mother. That’ll be my worst nightmare.

personal · relationship advice · sex

Sex and Love

I literally just thought of this last night when I head to bed. Giving in my view on sex, I have no knowledge of it nor am I an expert. Don’t worry. I’m not one of those hardcore feminists who gets offended by a sex comment. But I do believe in sexual harassment if no consent was given. That goes for guys too. Guys can be victims as well.

Anyway, my sexual history is very clean. No STDS. No multiple sex partners. None whatsoever. To begin, I grew up with an extremely anti-sex mother. “Then how the hell she manage to pop two kids out if she’s so anti-sex?” Well, at the time, she wanted kids. I don’t know. My dad and her haven’t been sexually active for the past 24 years. Ouch. No sex for 24 years in a marriage? That’s a load of crap. Yeah, I totally agree. Every time my dad tries to do it with her, she always reject and calls him a pervert. I find her ridiculous because my dad is her husband. I think it’s appropriate.

The act of sex belongs in a form of a commitment. It doesn’t necessary have to be marriage. As long you’re in a commitment, then it’s okay. Because  physical connection is part of the keys in a relationship. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t thought of this way. When I first got my period at age 13 1/2, my mother gave me the “talk”. You know the “talk”. It’s where parents discuss with their adolescent teenage kid about sex. I’m sure if you don’t have a strict parent like mine. You probably hear “Be safe. Use a condom“. Not my mother. I get the “If you have sex before marriage, you will die!” talk. Basically to her, if I stay a virgin my entire life up till the day I get married, I will be a good person. I did took a health class both in high school and college. Compared to high school from college, College is more wide open because we’re all adults and it’s nothing new. But as a high school freshman, the school tried their best to promote abstinence because they’re scared teens will get ideas.

Of course, they will. Even if you shoved the whole “Don’t get pregnant. You will die.” , kids will still do it. But growing up in high school, I don’t know anyone who’s sexually active. I hang around with a bunch of virgins who are still my friends on this day. We don’t really touch on the subject because it’s nobody’s business. If you do it and use protection, then we don’t care. However, in our early twenties, the classmates I grew up with, started getting pregnant, being engaged/married, and building a family. All I can think of is “Whoa. I feel old.” But in the end, everyone has their phase. My ideal of putting on such act is practicing abstinence till the right person comes along. Yes, I grew up as a virgin from high school to college. I didn’t receive much criticism for being one until I started college. I had an ex whom I like to call a douche face. Because he is one. The douche face like to harass and touch me inappropriately. I could already tell he want to take me through the wildness badly. Fortunately, I don’t want to swing through the jungle with him. The gorilla talk of his turned me off. So I packed my yellow umbrella and smack him off the tree.

After the douche face, there were plenty of guys (total trolls from the internet) that want to hook up with me. I didn’t have a good feeling about those people due to my gorilla instincts. So I said the word “commitment” and they got scared. One practical troll from Vegas wouldn’t give up and decide to pop the question, hoping I’d be stupid enough to fly to Nevada. That troll got knocked off by the oldest Billy Goat Gruff brother and his ass was gone. I pretty much spend the last 5 years going in circles. The whole world wanted sex and won’t stop at nothing. At least, that’s what I thought. I kinda accepted the fact no guy I meet will be a virgin. At the same time, I don’t know if the next one will respect me. Not till Fall 2016. The day I met my boyfriend turned into a whole new world. Like Aladdin’s magic carpet ride and I took advice from Steve Harvey’s “Act like a lady, but Think like a man”, I got the little bastard and rocked his world.

Nah, I’m joking. I did lose my virginity this year. But all it took was a 90 day patience test. If my boyfriend can deal with a complicated virgin like me whenever we fail to do it for 90 days, then I will allow him to enter my cave. It was a great birthday gift, too. What’s the lesson here? Well, don’t do drugs. Actually, drugs aren’t even involved in this blog. I meant don’t do sex unless you’re emotionally and psychically ready. If you’re a teenager and you’re reading this, please save yourself for the right one. Or at least wait till you’re in college, so your parents don’t have to freak out if they find a box of condoms in your drawers. Other than that, be safe and make sure you know what you’re doing.

parenting · personal

What does a Parent look like?

I don’t have children of my own. But I dream of having one of my own. Two at most. A girl and a boy. I even picked out their names. If you want to see pictures of me, you could click the link to my Instagram. You will see that I look like a nice girl. No tattoos, piercings, or any crazy dyed hair color. Nope. All natural good girl look. You might approve and say “She looks like an eligible parent. Definitely wifey material”. Now let’s say I have tattoos, piercings, and different colored dyed hair. Would you determine if I make a good parent or not? You can’t tell because again, I don’t have children of my own. But I do have interaction with kids in my family. I also take care of my adult autistic brother who acts like a kid. Does that count?

This question was brought up by one of my acquaintances from college. Her name is Ashley. That’s her middle name, but spelled and pronounced differently. Due to private issues, I have to keep her in the dark. Anyway, I met Ashley back in Fall 2011. I was taking a typing computer class when she sat at the left end near me and a high school friend of mine. I love her personality. She’s original and sassy. But Ashley has had boy problems. Everywhere she goes, it’s always boy problem here and there. At the time, she and her first boyfriend were kinda going rocky. I forgot when they broke up. I’m sure it was a few months after we took the class. Since then, I haven’t seen nor spoken to her for a few years during the time. I did hear she didn’t attend school anymore and has worked as a cashier. In 2015, she added me on Facebook after I deleted her. Nothing personal. I just figured she and I aren’t close, so I removed her. After seeing her for the last year, I decide to add her back and figure out what’s she been up to. To my shock, she was 8 months pregnant and was due in the following month.

In addition, she dyed her hair “Red” and got herself a couple of tattoos. That didn’t question me whether she’s going to be a good mother or not. Appearance is just an impression. But if you dig deeper into the personality, you will find out if that person is good or not. To me, she is a good mother. I’ve seen posts and photos of her cute adorable son. Working and providing for what’s best for him is pretty awesome. She stays committed to her son. I don’t see how the color of her hair and a couple of stickers on her body is going to determine her as an individual of a mother. Too many people worry about their appearances when it comes to parenthood. I think it really depends on the individual themselves. No matter if you’re 24 or 40, if you can provide a happy and healthy environment for your child, then you’re doing a fantastic job as a parent. Worry about what you can do for your child than some total jerk telling you how to look as a parent.

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Welcome to my Brain?

Hi. Hello. This is weird.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jay. I’ll be your host this evening. I’m just sitting on my bed in my parents’ home. Yes, I live with my parents. I can’t afford to move out. Though I do have a job as a caregiver, the amount of money doesn’t cover much. So therefore, like any other college student, I’m broke. My parents are disappointed that my life is not at a straight line. They hold this high standard above me that I can’t achieve. So I spend most of my days, just ignoring their lecture and trying not to mentally break down. Because my parents get on my nerves. Then again, that’s all the parents’ job. It’s to irritate their kids on a daily basis. However, I’m trying hard not to become like my parent. I’m pretty sure when I have my own kids, I won’t be as hard on them as my parents. I mean, I’ll keep my future kids on ground. But I want to remain an open minded person with them. Because I don’t want to cause an emotional stress on my kids. I think that’s what I have. Anxiety. I hate it. My worst nightmare. Continuing of overthinking thoughts really can force you to go nuts. Thanks Mom. I’m surprised I can still live up with this woman.

Don’t worry. This blog won’t be just on my mother. Maybe some topics I could share. But not politics. I hate politics. It is a danger to all society. I have a very neutral thing for politics. I try my hardest not to be bias if given views and opinions. That should also tell you I’m an independent party. Not liberal. Not Conservative. Nor Democratic or Republican. Just independent. Funny thing, I love doing research. Probably makes sense why I’m an English Literature major. I love reading and writing. I also have been a writer for 10 years. I mostly have written my own poetry. I post them on a lovely art social media website called deviantART. Check it out. The link is jayscriminal.deviantart.com. All of my pieces are nonfiction. I use my personal life as an inspiration. Yes, I tell strangers my life through poetry. Just like right now. Except this is a blog. Which I hope you read and don’t get bored. If you made it this far, congrats. I hope you enjoy and look for more posts in the near future.