I was 19 years old ; sophomore in college. I had to retake a math class that I failed in the previous semester. For the first 19 years in my life, I never knew situations almost as heavy as sexual violation and assaults. Statistics say 1 out of 5 women are likely to be sexual assaulted in college. 80% of students are sexual harassed in school. Growing up, I never came across any of the heavy situations. Because I grew up around a good community, I figure I shouldn’t worry. But that one year and guy changed my life forever.
The media portrays many stories of sexual harassment and assault in campuses. Mainly females are the victims. There may be an occasion of rare cases in false reports. But most of the time, the reports are known and highly heaved in society. I only told my story once in a while. I share it with many people I trust. I never thought I could type it up in a blog. The guy I will mention was previously known in my post as “douche face”. He is in fact 100% douche face. He never cared or so he tries to. But he always goes back to his douche personality. When I first met the guy, I can tell right off the bat, he is up to no good. Douche face came out of a three year relationship and hadn’t had sex for a month.
Me, being a virgin at the time, was thought of as an easy target. Unfortunately, my stubborn conservative side wasn’t easily convinced. Therefore, his plan to get laid was a failure. I remember there were so many “no’s” throughout the week. The class was a daily routine for an hour. Before class, I would get to school early and he’d be there. Most of the time, he’d be talking about sex, wild party, and all the fun stuff. When we’re alone, he would calm a bit and try to convince me otherwise. We weren’t dating, but he thought it would be interesting to get to know me.
The relationship was highly toxic and disturbing. When I first said “no” to him, he thought I was challenging him. I wasn’t in any interest in challenging nor to pursue anything with him. Douche face wasn’t giving up anytime soon. His filthy hands wouldn’t keep away from my clothes. If I was wearing a jacket, he would violently try to grab it like an angry dog. Then unzip in a flash, revealing my shirt. I scream “Hey!” angrily while he goes “There!” as if I should appreciate he helped me.
I couldn’t count how many times he’d do that. It was a horrible nightmare I can’t wake up to. I never told anyone nor dare to report the guy. I overthink that no one would believe me. And due to the clothes I was wearing, I thought it wasn’t good enough to get him reported to the Dean. In reality, I should know it’s not my fault that the guy is a douche. He should’ve kept his hands to himself when I specifically said no. The guy violated my privacy and space. The worse thought to get him to stop was giving my virginity up just so he could shut up.
Thankfully, I didn’t do it. Because I would’ve regret it shamelessly. But after the horror, I couldn’t trust in a guy touching me for a year. I’m glad I wasn’t sexual assaulted. But it did feel like douche face could be a potential rapist. I’m just happy it’s over and the person I lost my virginity to is worth more than a “getting laid” act. If there are any victims of sexual assault or abuse in any way, please don’t be afraid to speak up. Guy or Girl. It doesn’t matter. No one should be silenced because their space is violated. We are one strong community. Speak up and don’t let them silence you.