Past Crushes and Exes

The past ten years of my life, I’ve been looking back at all the guys from my past. It’s quite amazing how much I’ve learned and grow from them. Each of them, I knew from my gut that I couldn’t be with them in a long run. Even when I have a small crush, I didn’t feel comfortable being in a relationship with them. I guess my feelings weren’t as genuine as I thought. All those guys whom reject to telling me “They’re not ready yet still want to screw around”, I really am grateful that they’re not in my life.

The saying of people who are meant to be, they will always come back is true. I’m kind of a weird person. When it comes to dating, my goal  is to see if I can be in a commitment with the person. If I can’t, then I move on. I don’t try and develop a long term relationship with the person. I just spend a small amount of time with them to see if he’s in it for the long run. I know. It’s evil. But good method. Strangely, every guy I met, gave me such alarming bad vibes. Like I said in my previous blogs, I have gorilla instincts. The guys in my past thought it was very unappealing and unattractive. It’s no way to determine who they are as a person. Now I think about it, it’s actually very useful. Sometimes your instincts and guts are obviously telling you something. It’s best to listen to yourself before you put yourself in dangerous situation ; similar to a fight or flight reaction.

I got to say to those guys. I’m not sorry for picking up bad vibes from each individual. I don’t know you. I don’t trust people easily. If you spend a certain amount of time with me and we have a good bond, then I can trust you. But I don’t with my past. There is a reason why I don’t get close to guys like them. None of them gave me a good reason to trust. In the end, it leads to disappointment. But I thank my past for leading me to the wonderful boyfriend whom I love dearly till this day. We’re almost to our 6th month anniversary. He’s the only guy I’m willing to mush around with. I guess my horoscope is true. When Aquarius female finds the right one, they ultimately let their walls down and submit with all the love to their partner. Yay feelings! Nah, I’m kidding. I love my boyfriend.


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25 year old Chinese American with an English Degree.

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