The Future is Scary

As life goes on, you start to realize time flies real fast. I have dreams and goals. But I don’t have an exact timeline on when to achieve those goals. I like to go by the flow and let nature takes its course. I only have a few dreams and goals down.

  1. Graduate with a English Literature Degree
  2. Get a job related to my field
  3. Marry the love of my life
  4. Become a mother of two beautiful children

I’d say they’re pretty realistic. I don’t know exactly when will I achieve all, but I know I can do it. At the same time, it’s kinda scary. Sometimes, I want to go back and rewind everything. I’m 24 years old. I’ve been lost for a while and barely found out what I’m going to do with the rest of my life. I feel bad for taking a step back and try to figure out what I want. Many would tell me it’s okay to not know what you want. Most college students change their major a gazillion times before  deciding. I’d say they’re right and I shouldn’t worry so much. My time will come. When it does, I’ll be crying with joy and celebrate with my loved ones.

As marriage and kids goes, that one is a dosey. A lot of people I grew up with are already married with kids. I feel so left out. I’m barely in a serious relationship. I don’t want to jinx myself with thinking too early. My family are even wondering if I am going to marry before 30. Thirty is the start of old lady age. They believe the uterus will grow old and won’t be able to conceive a child. I’ll leave it for later. Right now, I’m trying to wonder if the current boyfriend will be lucky enough to be the love of my life. I already know we’re going to be going in the long run. I never felt  100% sure with anyone. Usually when I try to picture a long run haul with the person, it always lead to the answer “No”. But with my boyfriend, it’s a “yes” so far.

I believe I have found the love of my life. Most people ask me if I’m sure and advise to slow down. If I could blast a playlist filled with love songs and feel good about it, maybe that is a sign of true love. I’m proud to create many firsts with my boyfriend. We developed a healthy relationship. I could talk to him without doubts in my mind. He’s everything I want in a mate. I hope I’m not jinxing myself too early. But I really feel he’s the right person. Nothing has changed. Everyday is a memory with him. I’m hoping to create more as much as I can. I should tell myself that whenever the thought of the future is scary.



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25 year old Chinese American with an English Degree.

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