The Raw Truth of Abstinence

I grew up in a very strict household. Like any Asian immigrant families, our focus is always on school, success, etc. We don’t have time for parties, alcohol, or fun. The United States always promotes the practice of abstinence. However, adolescent teens would rebel such propaganda and sneak behind parents’ back. I’m part of the 1% that takes abstinence quite seriously. And also mainly because I’m a girl. It’s easier for females to live without sex for a certain amount of days. I practically lived my entire life of no sex or ever touching another guy in a sexual way.

My family isn’t religious in why I made the decision to stay abstinence till I meet the right one. I have a crazy traditional mother who doesn’t believe sex or intimacy in a relationship. My parents were arranged to be married from both sides of the family. It was the American Dream for my parents to get marry with someone who’s migrating to the states. Plus my mom doesn’t see my dad that way. But waiting on sex was the best decision despite all the troubles I went through. I never really learn about the word ‘virginity’ till college where my douche face ex mention it. He and Nosy chick were going around in circles, asking ‘virgin or no’. I was the only virgin at the time.

I’m sure predators like Douche Face would crave for fresh meat. He hadn’t been laid for a month and was probably looking for someone to bang. I knew he was up to no good, but I got myself involved with him in odd cases. Boys hate the word, “No”. They feel so rejected and humiliated. At the same time, they think it’s some sort of a challenge. They have this ego where they think they can seduce me to change my mind. It’s quite entertaining yet frustrating. I get criticized for not being sexual enough.  To them, because I refuse to be sexually involved with these boys, I’m known to be doomed in my future relationships. Oh man. They should have meet my younger self. When I was much younger, my mindset was very conservative. I originally had planned to save until marriage. As I got into college, I started realizing that chances are I might not come across a virgin guy. Waiting till marriage might be impossible to succeed.

In the end, I changed my mind and decide to wait for the right one. As long I’m in a commitment, then I’m fine with loosing up before marriage. But I would not participate in any sexual acts with total strangers beforehand. Mostly because I don’t trust these people and I haven’t develop any bond with them. They all say “Be sexual first. Then relationship later.” I got fed up, turned into an almost anti sex person, and laid off. It wasn’t pleasant being a virgin most of your life. I’m sure they are decent people out there that would say it’s better than being a hoe. It’s true. But I feel embarrassed being the shy one who has no clue in the sex department.

That’s where my boyfriend comes in. He slept with a few girls in his life, but doesn’t act like he knows everything about sex. We both came into an good understanding and communication on how we’re going to be sexual active with each other. Plus I already asked him with questions related to his history. I need to make sure. After a good 90 day rule, I made love to my boyfriend on my 24th birthday. It felt like a unicorn crossing a rainbow path. Now I just wish he stops saying “Love making”. It’s getting too old. We’re having sex! Then again, it is making love. But we’re having sex! Oh well, I’m not regretting one bit.



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25 year old Chinese American with an English Degree.

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