How well you know?

I always make sure I ask myself this question when I get to know someone. Usually by a 6th month mark, I should feel close to the person and already have an idea of who they are as an individual. The rest is history. But lately, questions concerning my relationship with the boyfriend seem to be in doubt. For a couple nights, I had dreams of being in a one second affair with another man and suddenly drop in guilt. Dreams usually are just random. But sometimes they play out your conscious. In real life, I am not a cheater nor will I be one. I still love my boyfriend, but I question why these cheating dreams occur lately.

In an interpretation I found on the internet, it could mean something else. I could feel guilt about something. I don’t have any guilt in the relationship. Maybe the question is “Do I know my boyfriend well?” I feel that should be the question I should be asking. Plus I should reconstruct my thoughts about our relationship. I have plans within the next year that could change the dynamic. I feel the honeymoon phase may be slowing down as I start to realize that mushiness shouldn’t be just the focus.

I think I’m lost in our relationship. I spoken about wanting to talk and ask him more questions about our relationship. But it slipped off my mind. I know it’s only 6 months, but it feels like forever. Other than wanting a commitment from each other, what else is in the relationship? Where is us in a year? Does he have any future ideas about us? What’s he going to do within the next year? What happens when I continue to spread my education goals? All those questions.


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25 year old Chinese American with an English Degree.

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