life · lifestyle · love · parenting · relationship advice · Uncategorized

Good Age to Marry

This topic came up when my mother brought up about my boyfriend. I was showing her a video of a disabled white supremacist harassing a Mexican American in an airport. I explained to her throughout the video that the man recording the situation was on the phone speaking Spanish to his mother. The disabled white supremacist came up to the man and displayed ignorance. As soon it was over, she moved onto my boyfriend who happen to be Mexican. She reminded me of his age and mine. My mother then started to compare how young he is and it’s not appropriate at his age to be married so soon. Since I’m near the age of marriage, it’s best if I remove him out of my life and wait for the more appropriate age.

It clicked me into thinking, “What age is good for marriage?”. Honestly, I don’t have a number in mind. I do have marriage in my future, but I don’t have the number. I understand how worried she is of my age. By thirty, a woman’s uterus is no use to be pregnant. I mean, she still can get pregnant. As long it isn’t before 40, then she’s good. I guess my mother doesn’t want me to wait that long. She prefer me to get married to someone around my age because then she’ll be able to see the future. In my mind, I honestly see it as 50/50. It’s an understanding, however, my life isn’t run by hers. It’s similar to how I told her no relationships when I was in my late teens and early 20’s. But I got in a serious relationship by age 23.

Now she’s thinking ahead for my current relationship. If I listen to her and dump my current boyfriend, she thinks I’d probably still have that chance to find myself an older guy to marry. I’m trying to wrap this around my head whether it’s reasonable or not. In my own soul, I don’t think it’s a good idea to dump my boyfriend and find someone more older. Time does fly before a blink of an eye. I don’t know if I’ll be married by 30. With my life moving forward, I don’t know about his. I did ask about our future. He believes we’re still going to be together. But I want more. I’m not satisfied.  My mind is going crazy with her pressure of marriage.

I’m only 24 years old. There are people my age that doesn’t want a commitment nor ready to be married. At age 24, my generation still thinks it’s too early to get married. My parents’ generation believe it’s the right age to be married. I’ve seen one percent of my high school classmates getting married before 25. I don’t want to do the wrong thing, but I want to do what’s right for me. I’ve read somewhere on the internet that a girl was in the same situation as I am. But both are the same age and have same careers. Unfortunately, her parents don’t approve because of different status. Therefore, she cuts her relationship with her fiancè for her parents’ wishes. I’ve seen comments ranged from “you’re a terrible person” to “you’re so immature for doing this.” 

Honestly, I don’t want to be that person to dissolve my relationship for my parents’ sake. At the same time, I still respect my parents. I can’t ask my boyfriend to hurry up, make money, and be married as soon as possible. It’s all too much pressure. Many friends would advise me to slow down and have fun. I don’t think the fun will last forever. Pretty soon, I will reach to the age of marriage and possibility children. I’m a little scared the boyfriend might not give me what I want later on. It happens in younger and older relationships. People’s priority changes or someone isn’t ready for the next level. In the end, they end their relationship in bad terms. My mother figures its best to do it now before it’s too late. I try to shrug it off and pretend it’s still early to determine marriage in the equation. But with pressure and reminder of getting older, it’s hard not to think about the math. I already had stress about school and career goals. Now it’s relationship goals added to the list.

So what’s the answer? I don’t really have the answer to what a good age is to marry. People now are getting marry between ages 20 and 30 these days. I guess it all depends on the maturity of people. I always picture getting my education and career goals done before marriage. But I can’t seem to have it one at a time with my mother hovering over me like a time helicopter. Almost as if I’m being choked by time. It’s amazing what it can do to you. In a similar way, it can be a pain too. *I just googled the average age to be married in the United States. The average age is close to 30. I know I’ve been told, but again, Mother and her hovering.*

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