After the first fight, I’ve dug more deeper into the relationship than I expected. My boyfriend gave the whole day yesterday to construct some thinking and told his side of the story. I agreed most of the stuff I said to him was unnecessary. Because my rage and anger got into me. He didn’t find it a turnoff when I cursed at him because I’m the right one for him. However, the rest was uncalled for. He find a bit puzzling of why I wasn’t positive about us being together and insisted to find someone else if I want to. Well when you grew up liking the wrong person, you always believe you deserve better. Coming from someone who never had a real relationship, I always use the card to prove I’m the stronger one and never let anyone else know about my weak side.
I guess everything I learned about relationships don’t really applied to the current relationship I’m in. I do have the right mentality, but my views on romantic relationships should be much deeper. Not everyone is as independent as I am. I can express my love, but I prefer to feel it emotionally rather than through words. It’s how I am with everyone. But when it came down to the boyfriend, he wants to be reminded at least 1-3 times a week. I do send in a little text here and there. It wasn’t quite enough. Like a female complaint, “Why can’t you just send in a love message at least once in a day? It isn’t that hard. Only takes 30 seconds.”
I’m literally smiling at that complaint for it usually comes from a female’s mouth. I never knew it would come from a guy. I’m like one of those stereotypical guy who’s clueless about romance. I sure learned a lot about it. If anything, I spent many years trying to build a wall around me. I use the wall to protect myself from getting hurt after my previous failed relationship. People always advise me to never be naive when it comes to romance. Take your time, they say. But no one told me when you’re in a 7 month relationship, at this point, you should probably let your shield down and let out some love. That really reminded me of that one stereotypical quote.
You know how majority say a guy should give in more than a girl in the love department? I believe that’s what I had been doing. I give in 40% while the boyfriend gives in 60%. Relationships should meet halfway, not one or another. I now understand why he questions my love for him. I feel too shy to express myself. Growing up, I always believe if I have the current mentality of a perfect girl, I was sure my boyfriend would love it. Apparently, I am mistaken.
I’m pretty happy to have found my boyfriend. Now I am 100% positive he is the magic lucky lottery winning. With him, I feel like I have won the jackpot. My boyfriend sure deserves boyfriend of the year for keeping up with me. Most guys would give up within a month. I should keep reminding myself that I am with the right person, not the wrong one. That means the wall is torn and I’m letting my shields down. This girl is in love. Not high school version puppy love. But actually love.