Unsure of him?

This practically something has been bothering me since this morning. As a routine, my boyfriend would sneak into my house and sleep over. I woke up an hour early than him, so I turned on my technology and stayed at my desk. It’s unusual of me because I normally still be in bed by the time he wakes up. But I didn’t mind. I was still in a happy mood. His phone was right next to my laptop, so I picked up and went through it.

Now, I’m not the type to go through someone’s else phone. To me, it’s an invasion of privacy. I wasn’t paranoid or anything. I was curious to see what is his life on the phone. I scrolled to the text messages he sent to people. One practical conversation caught me by the eye. It was from a girl. The conversation had me in confusion.  I wasn’t sure if they’re friends or flirty with each other. It seems friends and a bit of flirty. A few of the texts I saw weren’t what friends would say to each other. He did mention me here and there. But it’s not enough to convince me what’s going on within the text.

At that moment, I became unsure about our relationship. I didn’t tell my boyfriend I knew about this girl. He woke up just in time before I finished reading the last text. I felt guilty yet sad about going through his personal conversation. I also never had the guts to ask any questions. He had to get out of my house quick before parents find out. But when we said goodbye, I felt awkward with his kisses and hugs. At the moment, I couldn’t feel any trust for my boyfriend. It’s almost as if my heart is tugging out of my chest. He knew what I’m feeling, but didn’t know why.

He thought of something else. I wasn’t mad at what he told me. I was thinking about that girl. I started wondering if our relationship is meant to be or not. Reading the texts, it’s almost as if he’s himself with the girl. I already talked to one of my guy friends and he advised me to confront him. Meanwhile, I should put some strict rules.

Being me, I don’t want to become a controlling girlfriend. I know the difference between a friend and fuck buddy. I have guy friends, too. They know their boundaries and limits. I say the same for my boyfriend’s friends. Guy or girl. Doesn’t matter. But if that girl is trying to snatch my boyfriend, I swear I will ban her from talking to him. What I read isn’t pleasant in a girlfriend’s eyes. I’m hoping nothing is betrayed because I don’t want it to happen again. I already been through it once with a different person. So far, I’m taking some space for a day or two just to think. He already knows and anger isn’t in the air. I hope honesty will be key to this.


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25 year old Chinese American with an English Degree.

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