Till Near Death

I haven’t spoken about my maternal grandfather’s condition since June. In the beginning, it was a big chunk of messy back and forth between the decision. I think about last week, we finally came to a decision. We decide on DNR with comfort measures. At this point, my grandfather is showing physical signs close to death. He has difficulty breathing, urine is in tea color, and feet/hands swelling up. My uncle (Mom’s brother) felt emotional pain and regret inside of him. Even though he knows the consequence, he still want to push further measures for my grandfather. I do understand it’s hard to lose a parent. No matter what age they’re in. But to act upon this now, it’s too late. My uncle hasn’t been the greatest son of all.

The reason why my grandfather is in this position is because of the poor condition he has been given. Prior to hospital, both of my maternal grandparents were happy and healthy. But because of the living condition between them and my aunt’s parents, both suffered emotional and physical. As soon as he’s close to dying, that is when my uncle suddenly have a heart of change and would do anything to keep him alive. I fully understand his pain and emotions. But no plead to keep him alive is going to help. My grandfather is close to dying. Why didn’t you do the nice things earlier?

Blaming doctors and hospitals as wrongful death has nothing to do with the situation. You’re just beating yourself up because he’s going to die. No chance of survival. The only thing you can do now is spend as much time with him as best you can. When the time comes, we’ll all stick together and pray that grandfather goes to sleep in peace. Doctors already said this millions of times. My uncle couldn’t let it sink in. I guess I don’t blame him for needing more time. He’s not like the rest of us who already know what’s going to happen and are preparing for the worst. This has been a rough summer for me, too. I hope to cope easy with this situation and be ready for the worst.


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25 year old Chinese American with an English Degree.

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