Be right or Be Married?


I was watching a relationship advice on Youtube. The person in the video I recognized her from TedTalks. I love TedTalks. Many speakers in the video give out really excellent advice. It’s crystal clear and straight to the point. You’re probably wondering what the heck does that quote mean? Well, I’ll explain it in a second. But just a quick story. It’s kinda sad. My boyfriend and I fought this morning. We were fighting between Thursday night and Friday morning. But we smashed it and went back to normal. I didn’t know the same thing would be dragged out again today.

This is the second time he proposed a space limit, similar to our first bad fight. But with added more suspense. I was given another door to open if I chose the break-up path on my own during his break. This time, he won’t chase after me and we’ll never see each other ever again.

My heart is literally beating inside of me, filled with anxiety. I already had family emergencies going on. I don’t need my relationship to be added to the mix. It’s already been 5 hours since his last text. I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel he is giving me the freedom to walk away to see my reaction. He’ll probably use that against me if we do break up. At the same time, waiting is difficult. Because unlike previous fights, he’s the angered one, not me. After tolerating my so called “quitter” attitude, he officially unleashed his real anger with cursing. Luckily, it wasn’t in person. It was on text. But it still stunned me, but at the same time, I’m relieved he was brave enough to tell the truth. I always wanted him to tell me. He was afraid to in the beginning.

I guess this must have pushed him to the point where he can’t take it anymore. The whole argument was mostly based on sex and me avoiding the conversation. I already knew it’s going to be the same. But I never knew this would be the outcome. I spend the whole morning thinking to myself to see if I could figure out what to do. It wasn’t until I looked up on Youtube and found the most appropriate advice ever. Like I stated in the beginning, the speaker from TedTalks posted a video on advice of fighting in a relationship. Unlike most general advice, the quote, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?”, got me struck and amazed.

I honestly believe we’re both not smart in the fighting. Too much bickering and pointing fingers. It’s normal for couples to go through that. However, I fear the worst might happen. We haven’t really learned from our old fights. I mean, there was tensions before. But it wasn’t that bad. We both usually hear each other out and squash it as quick as we can. Throughout our relationship, we both focus on our feelings rather than logic when it comes to fights. I’m usually the one who caves in and apologize for my behavior. Then I would try to improve myself. Deep down in my heart, walking away and breaking up is the least thing I want to do. I don’t see myself not being in a relationship with him. My boyfriend is the best partner I ever asked for. Despite the complications, I try my best to ignore his flaws and accept him 100% as a human being.

It’s why that quote is perfect. The real question is “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?” Well, not literally married. “Married” as in wise. In other words, do you want to be wise or right? I prefer to be married. I have my fair shares of pointing fingers, too. Don’t get me wrong. I’m no angel. But in the end, I take a break and figure out the real deal. Focus on logic rather than feelings. I don’t want to claim that I’m right all the time in fights. Even if I am, I try my best not to claim the statement.

Relationships are hard. I wonder how people in long term did it. I always thought being in a long term relationship is easy if you’re with the right person. But it’s a wrong factor. Even with the right person, it’s not easy. Fights are bound to happen whether you like it or not. I just hope we don’t get toxic in the future. It’s okay to be pissed and let some steam, but never get toxic. I hope things will be a lighter option.


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25 year old Chinese American with an English Degree.

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