life

The Risk

Ok, I officially calm down from yesterday. The boyfriend and I decide to try again tonight. The change of game was for him to come in alone. Both of my gates are locked. He actually found a way to enter without a key. So I’ll leave that up to him. Without me, he’s actually able to sneak in with silence. We’ve done this sneaking-in thing millions of times for the past 8 months. It’s just recently some minor bad luck. The majority of the time, we haven’t had any problems with him sneaking in. I just hope he can achieve this alone.

We really are acting like teenagers. I understand it’s weird for two adults doing the boyfriend sneak in operation. It wouldn’t be so secretive if my parents weren’t traditional and conservative. Plus I wish my tenants aren’t Taishan people. I don’t trust these people who speak Taishanese. They are stereotypically known for their gossip and running mouths. My maternal side are like that. These people don’t understand the term of letting go and not when to snitch. I don’t have problems with other Asians. It’s just these I have a problem with.

Like I said, statistically, my neighborhood has very low crime rates. There’s very low neighborhood watch dog and traffic. Most of the time, it’s pretty quiet. Kinda scary because we don’t know if criminals will come by or not. Even if they do, all I got is vegetable thieves. My mom freaks out over that. Like really? They’re just vegetables. It’s not even worth that much.

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life

S.B.I Operation Reevaluate

S.B.I literally stands for sneak boyfriend in. I have a blog titled “My Secret Exposed?” that explains the situation. Both of my tenants actually has a hint now that someone snuck onto the property. The tenants are a family of 6. The kids probably don’t care, but their parents are nosy. It’s due to the obvious noise of my keys and boyfriend’s shining phone light. They notice the 2nd time, however, still did not get a clear description of the so-call suspect. When my mother gets notified, she  panics not knowing it’s my boyfriend and immediately thinks someone is after our house. Break-ins hardly happen in my neighborhood. But after a couple of stolen vegetables incident, it’s gotten to “must close and lock every door/window in the house”. Especially with the gates around my home.

Now, I know it sounds ridiculous. Statistically, I never had a break-in for my house before, which is good. Also, I understand when you read this, you would think “If it’s your boyfriend, then why not just be honest to your parents instead of making them claim a false accusation?” If you refer to the “My Secret Exposed?” blog, you would know the answer. My parents are very conservative. Mostly my mother. If they know my secret, I’m sure they will threaten me to break up with my boyfriend. I will get in loads of trouble if the secret is out to them. I was thinking about being honest with my tenants to get them an idea, so they shouldn’t be frighten when my boyfriend does come visit me.

However, I’m debating. They’re nice people, but I don’t know if they can keep a secret. They speak my families’ dialect, which is called Taishanese. Taishan people are known for their gossip and running mouths. It is one of the cons. I had spoken with the wife before once. She and I aren’t close since she first moved in with her family. But I get a nice vibe from her. Man, I’m literally starting to dig my own grave. The hole is being dug as we speak. It’s really hard to be honest with my parents. Because they’re very close minded. I’m living a secret life. Sometimes I just want to find an apartment and move out on my own. Then my boyfriend can come in anytime he likes.

Unfortunately, it’s not going to happen because LA rent is expensive. Most millennial people are stuck living with their parents. It’s kinda look down upon by older generations because it’s seen as a freeloading. I may be 24, but under my parents’ roof, I’m treated like a teenager. Except I’m allowed to have a boyfriend. Just don’t sneak him into our house in the middle of the night. My god. This sucks. I’ve been having a bit of bad luck with the operation. My boyfriend and I are trying to reevaluate our situation. We’re literally like criminals now. It feels like it now.

life

Food is Food

I watch many MukBang (Eating Show) channels on Youtube. I am very fascinated with people cooking many different recipes. I even came across an Asian vegan channel. I’ve tried vegan food in LA. It’s good, but I don’t get full from it. It slightly varies on the dish. In my diet, I have to incorporate both in my meals. Veggies and Meat. I can’t be either one. I have to have both in my diet. Otherwise, I’d go crazy. But my meat portion is small. I don’t really eat a lot of meat. If I do, I get sick.

So coming across this Asian Vegan channel, the small Youtuber goes by the name, MommyTang promotes vegan diet. I love her vegan recipes. They look delicious. It’s something I would give a try. However, one video where she tries to promote vegan, seems more of a bit negative towards meat eaters. She didn’t bash on meat eaters. The story of how she tries to incorporate vegan lifestyle in her family is a bit off the bat. I understand she was trying to lose weight and be more healthy. However, her relationship with her meat eating husband became toxic at the time. They’re not that way anymore. She decides to go in the middle. But something about the video makes me want to go skeptical.

The way I see is food is food. If someone I knew want to give up meat and become a vegan, then by all means, I’d let them. Because it’s their lifestyle and I want to support their journey to losing weight. But if they want to get me to give up my meat, it’s not going to happen. I’m not a meat eater nor am I a meat lover. But I do appreciate some meat in my meals. Without my meat, I feel empty. That doesn’t make me an animal hater or environmental killer. I do care for animals and environment, however, not too the extreme where eggs need to be cage-free.

Yes, I’ve seen the heart-aching documentaries of screaming pigs, cows, and chickens getting chopped into millions of pieces. Then, those pieces are stuffed and moved onto our plates. I get it. However, I’m still not interested in becoming a full fledge vegan. My food choices are my choice. I have people passing out booklets of promoting vegan at my school before. I also seen pretty bad poster signs of extreme vegans calling out meat eaters as murders. It’s like can we all respect each other’s lifestyle? Not all meat eaters hate animals and are environmental killers. We just show it in a different sense.

life

Millennial Generation Complaints

I’m part of the Millennial Generation. Born in 1993 and 24 years old. My parents, being part of the Baby Boomers and Generation X, complained how much my generation sucks. I guess everyone will find a way to hate the next generation as the years go by. At my age, I’m suppose to be working on my Master’s Degree. Probably engaged to be married and settled into my own house. No relying on my father’s hard working money. However, it’s not what my parents expected. It’s not that I’m lazy. Everything is expensive these days. Nobody I know can afford to move out on their own without roommates covering the rent cost. Graduate students are stacked up with student debts and working their ass off to pay it off.

I  hate how my parents and paternal grandmother don’t understand that we are from the different generations. I always mostly hear my mother put the laziness excuse as a way to blame me for not pushing hard. I didn’t think I’d still be living under my parents’ roof at age 24. Even if I have a job and car, it still wouldn’t be enough to move out on my own. I have cousins my age already achieved the college graduate and stable job. However, they haven’t moved out on their own due to financial instability. These days, the Millennial Generation are becoming the target of complaints.

Their main complaint is we’re lazy. I didn’t ask for expensive debt to be piled on me. I didn’t force my mother to conceive me during the mid 90’s. I most certainly didn’t beg for the government to raise up prices and have seniors hog up jobs at McDonald’s. I don’t understand how older generations don’t look at perspectives and see how different we are. I always hear stories of how my father came to the U.S with $200 in his pockets. He scraped shifts at a local market and restaurant. Then he got married and had kids. Finally, he owned his warehouse business for 20 years. My paternal grandmother made it seem so easy how my father achieved everything before 30.

My cousins and I are close to our 30’s yet we haven’t done it all like our parents. I believe it’s not our faults that things aren’t the way our parents expect us to be. Being part of this generation is unique as other generations. I just wish older generations need to stop suggesting what they achieved in the past isn’t the same as today’s generation. Some of us are working our ass off to get to where we want to be. It requires many years to finally achieve something. Each generations have it harder like others. Quit hating on each other. We don’t need more crap piled onto the unachieved goals we’re trying to reach.

 

life

Young Dating

Usually in the Western culture norms, teenagers begin the phase of dating as early as 13/14 years of age. Some parents may agree to let their kids explore what they like and don’t like in a significant other. But in the non Western culture, immigrant parents tend to be more stricter and forbade their children from dating. I had this discussion with my boyfriend about teenage dating. He dated when he was 16. I didn’t date in my early teen years due to strict conservative parenting. I personally don’t want my kids to date in their teen years because I rather have them focus on themselves first. I learn that if you learn to be alone, then maybe you can be involved in a romantic relationship. Of course, it varies within different people.

Even college students may not be ready for a relationship. My boyfriend thinks I’m too narrow minded when it comes to teen dating. I’m sure some older generations (e.g. my parents’ age) would agree that dating shouldn’t be the focus in your teenage years. I’m used to the whole “No boyfriend” rule. Even if my mother did allow me to date, I wouldn’t have any idea of what to do with a guy. Plus many of my classmates wouldn’t imagine me in a million years with a boyfriend. Relationships was basically a use of a brag in my generation. Yes, people actually brag about being in a relationship. It was very absurd thing to do.

Because I came from a generation of narrow minded people, I figure why bother being in a relationship. I was young. A boyfriend wasn’t a priority to me. I remember a few years ago ,as a young 20 year old, I had a discussion with a stranger in line of buying my English book at my school’s bookstore. The stranger asked me a question regarding if I want a boyfriend. I blatantly said “I don’t have time for a boyfriend“. The stranger then gave me the weirdest look as if I’m crazy. I got judged for not wanting a boyfriend. Can you believe that?

Fortunately, I changed my mind within a year and began wanting a serious relationship. I took a very long time to wanting one. I’m surprised I manage to be in one with my boyfriend after 5 years of trial and error. Also, I am very intimate with him only. I’m shocked that I actually release my true feelings only for one person. I thought I would suck at relationships without any dating experience. I guess it varies with people in the end. People shouldn’t judge each other within their relationship choices. As long as you know what you’re doing, then you’re good. But with young dating, I don’t know how I feel about it. I want my kids to not rely on a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy. I want them to learn how to be alone first before submitting themselves to another person. Develop the right mentality before letting someone into your life.

life

My Secret Exposed?

I have a secret that I hid from my parents. It’s been going on since December 2016. I’m surprised no one even bother to know what the fuck is happening. So ever since my boyfriend and I became intimate, he would visit me during the weekends at night. Around 10 to 11 pm, my parents head to bed. My room is very close to the back door and garage. If I were a teenager, I could easily sneak out without my parents noticing. But I never snuck out as a teenager. So therefore, I’m doing it as an adult. I know it’s kinda embarrassing, but it’s technically not my fault.

Rent is very expensive in LA. Even if I were to move out, I have to ask a couple of friends to be my roommates. But unfortunately, none of them have the money. In the end, the cheapest way to save money is staying at my parents’ house. I still have to obey their rules since I’m under their roof. My parents have no idea that I have this secret. My tenants, next door, is a family friend of my aunt. My aunt lives in Chinatown. My tenant has a business in Chinatown. If my aunt comes by, she’ll talk to her. It’s bad because once my boyfriend came by. The tenant notice, but didn’t say anything. Her reaction is quite slow. My house had a garden robbery, where a couple of our vegetables went missing. My mom got scared when she heard the news from my aunt.

Therefore, a lock was installed at the back gate. But then I was given a key. My boyfriend can still come in and out with me. It’s been working for the past few weeks since the almost getting caught incident. Last night, my boyfriend visit me as usual. I’m not sure what happened. But my tenants were apparently outside on the porch. I don’t know if they saw my boyfriend. But my boyfriend thinks they saw him. Again, the tenants didn’t say anything. I did overhear one of the children talking to their mother and a cough. I’m not quite sure what the reaction is. I’m hoping they didn’t see anything and spread it to my family.

I don’t want my secret to be exposed. Because that would be bad. Then again, since they’ve been living here for the past year, I’m still surprised they don’t really notice the little noises around the area. Is their reaction that slow or they just don’t care. I mean, my boyfriend may be a tall guy, but he’s not going to hurt anyone. Nor does he have weapons on him. If he does, I wouldn’t date him. Also I don’t know how they would react if they see their landlord’s daughter in the dark letting a guy into the property. I hope they don’t tell that to my aunt. Because my aunt would tell my mom. I have a trial. Jesus. I pray to God my tenants don’t see anything. Or say anything. If they do, I’ll try my best to deny shit.

life

Mental Breakdown

This is a non – mother issue blog for once. Today in the afternoon, I had witness someone close to me have a mental breakdown. I’ve been best friend with this person for 10 years. She has some history of dealing with bad people in her life. Anytime she needs to vent, I’m always there for her. Our friendship is pretty relevant to Grey’s Anatomy‘s, Meredith Grey and Christina Yang. We’re never separated. We always been the best of friends for each other. I knew her as someone who doesn’t speak upon their emotions. It’s really hard for my best friend to cry her emotions out.

The past month has been extremely hard for her. Not only she has to deal with a crazy landlord, but also her dementia grandmother. Her grandmother is a very bitchy woman. I say that because she is mean. Even before she was diagnosed with dementia, she is a very unpleasant woman. Today she was very angry to the point where she need to call me to vent. It’s how much she needs for emotional support. I didn’t have another class after my morning Mythology class. Normally, I would be at my school’s library, trying to do my homework reading. But I decide to drop everything and comfort her. We talked and everything was okay. Until her dementia grandmother had to be returned home because her great uncle couldn’t get her to calm down about stuff being touched that’s not hers.

She tried to be patient and told her grandmother nicely to come inside the house. Hearing everything on the phone, I heard her grandmother yelling at my poor best friend. That is when she snapped and screamed very loudly in Cantonese. Her voice broke into a crazy girl gone wrong moment. My best friend even broke into tears and screamed, “I feel so burden! I want to die!” in Cantonese. I had to do something to calm her down. So I stayed on the phone and let her cry. She even proceeded into sobbing. Like a mother, I comfort her as best as I can. That was my first time witnessing someone close to me having a mental breakdown. It’s quite scary for a moment. I wasn’t there physically. But I was there emotionally. If anyone is out there suffering depression, I’m willing to hear you out. No one should be left alone suffering. I will not judge.