I never had experienced girl vs girl hatred. I did had a few girls in my life that are dramatic. But in the end, I avoid them. Because I’m not all about that drama. I do have a few close girlfriends that are awesome and easy to get along. However, majority of my friends are guys. I just get along with guys more often. So as I’m transiting in my life, I begin to wonder if girls still judge each other. I believe they do. It’s mostly now behind closed doors and computer screen. Anyone can access the internet easily and post something about a certain girl. Although I don’t run into it often, I do see it a lot on social media or private forums.
The one forum I recently come across is called Gossip Guru. Gossip Guru is a forum place where anonymous users can post comments about a YouTuber. Usually, it’ll become a thread, depending how much gossip they’re willing to carry. The longer it is, the more bad comments are on the thread. That’s usually the case. I’ve never come across any positive comments about a YouTuber. These girls would stalk on every social media and do FBI research on a YouTuber’s life. Most of them are also females. It makes sense why it’s so easy to criticize a YouTuber. I’ve seen many fashion or beauty gurus thread range from 14 to 40 pages of comments. One might get multiple threads about them. As I read them, the comments are super vicious. It almost sound like an Asian parent judgment. Bad or good, it’s a judgement zone.
These female YouTubers make bank in their community. I don’t understand how they receive millions of dollars and can afford a mansion at my age. I’m 25 years old and I don’t have the money to move out. It’s very questionable. At the same time, their lifestyle and relationships aren’t my business. I may not like their content, however, I wouldn’t go on a public forum to bash on their life. I’ve seen comments from disliking the girl to rating her lifestyle. It is insane. They all claim that it’s constructive criticism and great for the YouTuber (if they ever read the threads). I personally believe a constructive criticism should only be taken from close loved ones or someone understanding that certain area. You know what I mean? If a total stranger were to bash on me randomly and suggest I take their advice because it’s for my good, it’s not something I would take. Because we don’t know each other that well.
Sure, it’s probably what would someone close to me say. At the end, we don’t know each other. I feel these type of girls have a problem with understanding the difference between criticism and celebrities’ life. When you’re creating a constructive criticism, it’s usually based on how they can create their content better. Not bashing on how shitty the girl’s dress looks. I think guys are the same. But they’re not like girls bashing on others. Anyway, girl world never changed. It’s really difficult to give criticism without making a bad judgement. I think it’ll be easier if people think about the humanity inside of everyone. Instead of making immediate judgement.
I never tried talking about what teenagers are doing these days. But the most recent new challenges that people are doing is ridiculous. Since when are we becoming little babies? First, people ate tide pods. Now, I’m hearing people snorting condoms. Like ugh. It’s disgusting. When I saw that video, I was majorly disgusted. How badly these teenagers have to play dumb to get internet famous? And guess what the older generations are blaming on?
Yeah, that’s right. Like hold up. First of all, these kids aren’t millennials. I never thought I’m a millennial until I looked it up. Apparently, anyone born between 1981 and 1996 is considered a millennial. So the youngest is 22 and oldest is 37. What the damn hell! I’m sure my generation wouldn’t be stupid in eating tides and snorting condoms. Now, I get each generation will pick on the next generation as usual. But I have to pick on these young dweebs. Because they’re fucking stupid. They’re risking danger to their health and mind. Not to mention, the older generation are quick to use the word, “Millennial”, as a way to describe the new generation.
These people think millennials are truly stupid. Like fuck no. You babies need to stop making us look so bad. We already had the world calling us sensitive and lazy. We don’t need them to look at us as if we’re little toddlers. Just stop because you become cancer. I’m serious. The things you are posting and doing is making the world turn their heads. Our grandparents and parents generation are treating us like toddlers. After the whole eating tide pod incident, the Tide company has to put on a child proof lock on every package. Do you really want the world to be treating us like babies? I think you want them to. Because your fucking ass be snorting condoms and now the world is trying to tell us “Do not snort condoms”. Bitch, I know that! Tell it to these dumbass dweebs.
God damn it. You younger generations are making us, Millennials, have a harder time to evolve. Because of your stupidity, we’re moving one step back. Like stop. Enough. Haven’t you learn from the tide pod incident? I get teens make mistake. But when I was a teenager, I never snort condoms or ate a tide pod. Just stop please. This is coming from a real millennial child. Continue to sit with your iPads and iPhones like the rest of us. No more snorting or eating whatever the fuck you can find. I don’t want anyone be cooking up some dog poop and eating it.
I only slept with one person my entire life. When it comes to this department, my boyfriend believes we were not sexually compatible due to the different levels of sexual drive. I personally haven’t “practice” much nor have done “research” to put in the work. It even sucks when your boyfriend compares with you with an old girlfriend who got it right away. I don’t hate sex. I just have a harder time, expressing myself. I don’t believe it’s my fault that I have such lack. Growing up, my mother never allowed sexuality inside the house. When I became the age of curiosity, she became a raging dragon. She pretty much prevented me from learning about the topic. Anytime I would secretly try to look up porn, my mother would somehow find a way and destroy me into bits. I can still remember all those rages and disgusting yells as a little girl.
From then, sex never came across my mind. I was burned. I thought I wouldn’t have a problem with sex since no one nagged me about it. Then I met my first ex. When he found out about my status, he immediately took an interest. It’s sorta like a lion hunting a deer. Except the deer was too smart and outsmart the lion. But that didn’t stop the multiple lions lining up for their next meal. I’ve had desperate online perverts asking me “when will we do it?” I always define the timing as never. They either get pissed at me or try to curse me with a bad boyfriend who will leave once they know of my status.
Well, I came across this boyfriend. I let him see me naked for the first time after 6 weeks of dating. We’ve been having sex like rabbits for the past year.
I’m not saying I’m the best of all the girls he had sex with. I still have some flaws here and there. My insecurities is at a 50% level. Clearly, I do love and trust my boyfriend. I just have trouble expressing. I know it’s been a year. It’s enough time to practice and make some improvements. This stuff doesn’t happen overnight. I’m surprised he didn’t dare to cheat or leave after this whole year hassle. If it were for someone else, that person would jump the gun immediately. Then I’d be shamed with “Why didn’t you put in the work?”, “You deserve to get cheated on”, etc. I think my insecurities are talking. I still feel like virgin who’s just getting there.
So, I’m graduating from community college. But I’m not participating in the ceremony. I mean, I can. I just don’t want to. Also, after graduation, I have to attend summer session for one more English class. Yeah, boo. It sucks. But at least it’s only one more class for my major. Plus summer session is 5 to 7 weeks. It’ll fly by fast. I probably won’t do much during the summer. Even though I have plans. I’ll just finish for my degree. I don’t really need it for University. It just will give me more priority for registering classes and graduating faster. I might as well do that. I still got school before I head to Northridge. I hope everything works out in the end. I don’t want to lag. Anyway, I’ll see you soon in my next update. This is all I have for now.
My boyfriend is struggling to find the idea of being in a LDR (long distance relationship) a challenge. From most general’s opinion, a LDR doesn’t work out in most cases. The most common disaster to every failed LDR is either the distance got into them or cheating was in the picture. His first failed LDR involves in both cases. But what hurts him the most was his first love cheated on him. So most likely after that LDR, he wouldn’t want to experience it again. However, things took a turn when the his love of his life will be going away to University and experience LDR once more. I have an understanding from his experience and most failed LDR experiences that it’s awful to go through. But about 1% of LDR couples made it out together. It’s surprisingly great yet hard work.
I wasn’t fond of being in a long distance either. In beginning of our relationship, we were suppose to be in a LDR twice. However, it was a close call when things didn’t go the way he pictured. It wasn’t the third round where we have to be in one. It’s not bad. But the idea of us separated 35 miles isn’t sinking in well for him. I was willing to go through with the idea of being in my first LDR. So far, our plan to go through with this LDR is to have him visit every weekend or 2. If he gets a job and save up for his own ride, he should start in September. I tried to object to that idea of him driving to Northridge for 2 hours and seeing his girlfriend. But nothing stops him because of his love for me.
But I really want to find another way for him to not overthink about us being separated. I decide to google for the best LDR advices I could find. I came across a very interesting blog about a girl going through her 3rd LDR. I know. It’s extremely crazy. You would think she learned her lesson from the first 2 and date someone in her own time zone. To be honest, she had heard her lessons. But it wouldn’t incline her to not be in the 3rd LDR. I read her blog and I find it very relatable and a must advice to digest. The number one mistake most LDR couples make is being clingy and overthinking. With the idea of being separated for -insert number of miles-, one is bound to get either extreme crazy or not. Sometimes the fear of them not around will make you doubt their loyalty. It’s okay to be awry in a relationship. But it doesn’t mean you can go in stalk mode and accuse your significant other of being unfaithful every time. Unless you see them in Vegas and they told you they’re at a family funeral, then go on bitch mode. But other than that, take a chill pill. Also, communicate the right away. Once a week update is enough. No constant text, call, and Skyping. Once a week is enough. I really hope he learns something from his first LDR and don’t screw up with this one. I think God is granting him a second chance.
Sadly, my best friend from high school got accepted to CSULA. That means she and I won’t be attending the same school due to her financial status. I think it is the best for the both of us. I’m meant to go to Northridge. I always complain about leaving my mother and wondering when will I have the chance to be free. Well, this is my chance. I have this freedom granted by God. I really believe God is letting me leave my LA life behind and go onto the next chapter.
I’m hoping to use Northridge as a chance to be more independent. When I head to that next chapter, I hope to gain new experiences and meet new people. Meanwhile, I have to live independently with my 3 new roommates. I’m wondering how it will be, living with 3 strangers. Not to mention and hoping to God they’re not horrible people. I hope not. Anyway, I have 6 months before I head to Northridge. I’ll try my best to finish and spend as much time with my loved ones before a new chapter comes. Wish me the best from now until Northridge.
A few days ago, I decide to make my decision to go to Northridge. I figure it’s my chance to get away from everything in LA. If I stay, I’d be in more misery than ever. So Northridge is the school I chose. However, while I’m figuring out what to do there and what to prepare, I thought about my relationship. Currently, we don’t see each other often. It’s because he’s not in school and I am. The only time we do see each other is in the the middle of the night. Which is something I’m never fond of. I want to see him in broad daylight, but it’s not possible. My best friend and I grew up with each other. We understand the concept of priorities in college. We do have friends that are in Universities. It does get busy throughout the semester. No matter what major you are, life becomes a priority. So judging from what I expect and planning, I am going to be in a long distance relationship for college.
I’ve never been in a long distance relationship and it’s not my thing. I never picture myself in long distance for the first time in my life. Long distance in most general’s opinion never works out. Priorities change, people change. My boyfriend has been in a long distance before. His ex lived 5,000 miles away. The relationship was toxic and discomforting. In the end, they both came into bad terms and he got his heart broken. The idea of me going to Northridge became another fear for him. I’m in a University setting. There’s going to be temptations and new people. However, I am in no need of meeting new people. I could make friends, but as far as dating, it’s a no in my game. I already finished the game. Knowing myself, I’m not a party person. I’ll probably only make friends in a classroom or in my dorm.
Long distance wasn’t a favor to me in the beginning. I’m scared of being in one. But after a few almost long distance, this became a reality. I immediately accept I’m going to be in a long distance for the first time. This is my boyfriend’s 2nd long distance. I’m still in California. I’m just 35 miles away. But if we both put a lot of effort and don’t give up, this will be worth the relationship. He may not worked out with the 1st one, but he’ll work out with the 2nd one. I believe God is giving him a second chance.