Last night, my boyfriend came over to discuss his struggles with college life. Earlier, I mention how he doesn’t understand college struggles. Well, now it finally caught up to him. I could sit here and say “Haha, I told you so!” But I didn’t because that would make me look like a jerk.
Also, I want to be there for him as best as I can. Currently, he hasn’t done anything for the last two months. Other than sitting at home. He thought I was going to break up over his struggles. Nah, I would never do that. It’s okay. I reassure him that I’m on the same boat, too. At my age, I’m suppose to get my Master’s degree. But I’m not even close into getting my Associate’s. I still have two more semesters to go before transferring to a University.
Everyone has their struggles in college. Most of us have no idea what to do with our lives. Many students dab into different majors before settling into the one major they’re meant for. About 0.01% already know what they want and got everything on time. Parents like to compare and worry about us when are we going to finish college. Since they already accomplish their success, it’s our turn to show them the success we can achieve. Unfortunately, every school has different requirements to fulfill. It’s not like back in the 90’s where transfer requirements takes 1 year and college is a piece of cake.
No, that’s not how things work now. Parents really don’t have a grasp of the struggles, we the current generation, are facing. School takes a while to dab. Job marketing sucks because you need connections in order to get a job. Everything is expensive. So I don’t blame my boyfriend for feeling unhappy and lost in transition. I think it finally caught up to him because his dad was giving him the college talk.
Well, let me remind the dad that he has his struggles to. While his ass became a father at an early age, he juggled between school and part time job. Yes, he has money and achieved everything in 2012. But he’s still unhappy. No wife. At age 39, men at his age should be married with kids running around in the house. Your only kid is a walking 20 year old in college. Plus having your own family seems impossible to achieve.
Let’s face it. We all have our struggles. But the only way to success is how we want to write our stories.
I was going to the bathroom to do my business when my mom stopped me. She then showed me a video of a young Chinese girl from Harvard singing. Everyone (in my culture) commented how smart and beautiful she is. To me, it doesn’t seem real. Because the video was too loud and the voice isn’t hers. Genuinely, when people film themselves singing, the music wouldn’t be too loud and they’re not lip syncing. But I’m not focusing on that. I think my mom is trying to get me to be all impressed because she’s from Harvard and talented.
Please. I’ve watched videos of America’s Got Talent and those people are 10x talented than the Harvard Chinese girl. Plus, her education isn’t worth bragging about. Sure, it’s great that she got there through on her own terms. But nothing worth bragging about. Just because their GPA excelled through academic success doesn’t mean they’re smart in life. GPA doesn’t tell anyone’s future. I know people who don’t excel in school, but they turn out to be the most intelligent people I ever met. The ones that do excel in school sucks at life. I’m not saying it goes for everyone. But sometimes it’s true.
Asian parents in general love to brag about their kids. Whenever an honor roll or announcement of going to Harvard comes home, they’ll do anything to win the battle of bragging. It’s how it is in my family. I heard multiple stories of my 2nd cousins’ success on my maternal side. I careless about their academic success. Success is not about competition, but a journey. I rather brag about my best friend’s improvement from high school to college. I can name the people that graduated from community college and are transferring to a good University. One of my best guy friends didn’t receive a college degree, but he’s now a promising writer who’s book will be published. Those are the stories I want to hear.
I don’t want Harvard or Top Surgeon of the country story. It’s never appealing. I remember a couple years ago, I was waiting for my bus ride. There’s these two grandmothers, speaking in Cantonese. I understand and speak on some levels. When they saw me, they try speaking in slow English. I looked at them all weird and told them I speak Cantonese. They went into complete shocked and were amazed that I spoke the language since the next generation doesn’t. After telling them my age and education career, one of them spoke of her grandson in UCLA, majoring in -insert fancy degree-. I don’t know what she was doing, but it seems to be she’s using her grandson as a brag to get me impressed.
Unfortunately, I don’t buy it. Grades and GPA are not part of getting to know people package. When it comes to dating scene, Asians tend to look for status and money. It’s an important key for approval. If you have both, you are welcome no matter if you’re an ass or not. I’ve met guys that my mom will definitely approve, however, I have no chemistry with these people. Between grades and money, I got bored talking to them. Sure, I want to know what your future plans are. But never brag your success in front of me. I’m not in a relationship for status. That’s one of the reasons why I have so much difficulty in dating. There’s hardly anyone I want to connect on a genuine feeling. Luckily, I finally found someone who isn’t all about money and grades. I rather have that connection than finding out what’s the status.
I’ve been attending a local community college near my home for a certain amount of years. After high school, I went straight to community college. For the first year, I struggled with getting classes because I was a new student and registering priority wasn’t given to freshmen or incoming new students. My goal, at the time, was to attend for 2 years and transfer. Little to unknown, the planning was extended. I started off with a pre-pharmacy major. Not officially declared, but I was considering it. Mainly cause my parents told me to do so. Asian parent stuff.
For the first few years, I was doing what my parents told me to do. I took classes related to science and math, trying to fulfill the prerequisite. Unfortunately, being a S.T.E.M major wasn’t the program I would excel at. My best friend ask me during that time if I have a back-up plan. Say the whole pharmacy thing didn’t work out. What would I do? My first choice was to do an English major. As a writer for the past ten years, when I enter an English class, I never felt so alive and passion for the subject. Everyone else hates English and don’t want to do an essay. But I could. It’s my passion.
I never thought about declaring myself as an English major when all signs are pointing to it. It took a long time to figure out, but I got my mojo. I had a few people ask me “Why am I taking so long?” including the boyfriend. Most of those people are my family and their friends. They like to think college is a race where you got to do everything on time. If you don’t, you are consider failure. That made me felt pathetic. I began to look down at myself for being at the same school for so long. While others I’ve met previously already graduated and transfer to a university. But one friend told me to not worry and focus on myself.
Don’t ever feel bad about yourself being at school too long. At least you are getting yourself a higher education and doing something with your life. It’s better than a lazy bum not doing anything about their situation. I understand some personal issues gets in the way, but as long you come back, then you’re good. My boyfriend, being the youngster, in his early 20s, don’t understand the struggles. Most people by this age would be in lost transition trying to figure out what they want to do for the rest of their life. The whole college talk made me uncomfortable when being brought up by him. I don’t think he understands people have their own struggles in college. He’s having his own as well.
I’ve heard him telling me that he wants to do this and that. In the end, it didn’t work out. That’s okay. My 9th grade best friend changed her major five times before settling down to history. Everyone has their own pace. The only person that writes their story is you. Not anyone else. Don’t feel dumb for being at school too long. You’ll be fine. Before you know it, you’ll be graduating next year.