Do you ever question if an inmate deserves to still be treated like human? All my life, I never had that question in my head. Once you’re in jail, you’re done. Your freedom and rights are stripped away from you. Regardless of what you’ve done, jail is no luxury. I try my best not to go to jail. Actually, I wouldn’t do stupid things that will get me into jail. I wouldn’t survive. However, I question if inmates do deserve some humanity. I’m sure most people are familiar with the show, Orange is The New Black. I heard about it a while back. That show was mega popular. After watching a few episodes here and there, I finally understand why the show is so popular. They really capture the treatments that inmates have to deal with everyday.
Inmates are always labelled as criminals. Most people would say they’re not humans anymore due to their crime doing. Prison guards and authorities would constantly abuse their power because these criminals are dangerous. Coming upon the show, I finally see many criminals aren’t as dangerous as we thought. Most crimes committed are usually drug possessions and robbery. The one percent is a tie between sexual assault and murder. Even people with mental illness gets thrown in jail. How insane? Those crimes get more time than rapist and murder. With the show perspective, inmates don’t have the best treatment. They’re mostly treated like dogs in a cage. If their time is done, they can’t access to anything. Not even housing. It sucks. Their freedom is still stripped away because of their record. They’re forever labelled as non-human.
Watching Orange is The New Black makes me feel like a piece of shit. I never thought inmates would receive terrible treatments from authorities. Because of the crime they did, society will see them as one perspective. That label is forever tattooed on their body. No one can see pass the crime they once commit. Why treat them any less of a human? Is it really okay to strip away their dignity once they’re behind bars? I believe if the inmate isn’t a murder or rapist, they deserve to still be treated as a human being. At least they have some senses. Mental illness patients shouldn’t have to be thrown in jail either. In the end, we should give some inmates some humanity. Some aren’t complete monsters compared to others. Why discriminate them because of their record?
I have a theory that the rest of the Universities that I applied to will reject me. It doesn’t matter but at the same time, it sucks a little. I personally didn’t want to go to Fullerton and San Luis Obispo. My main two top choices is LA and Northridge. Northridge already accepted me 2 months ago. I said yes as a safety. The rest starts coming in with a “No”. I’m sitting like “Too Late.” I tried not to take it personally. But I can’t help a little. Then I remember it’s okay to get rejected from schools. I have friends who are the brightest bulb ever. They got rejected from their dream schools. My cousin is an excellent student. She got rejected from UCLA. I’m sure many others had gone through the same path. It’s not the end of the world when it comes to rejections. It happens all the time. There’s many competitions in this world.
You are facing against many qualified candidates. I think I should take this rejection as a “Thank you but at least you tried”. So if anyone is trying to apply for Universities in the future and you just happen to come across a rejection letter, don’t take it hard on yourself. Maybe the school doesn’t fit you. Maybe you’re meant to be with another school. It’s similar to dating and relationships. I’ve gone through so many “No’s” and “Maybe’s” in my life just to get a “Yes”. I’m very happy with the guy I’m in a relationship with. I’m sure I’ll be happy when I get into Northridge and experience University life. Until then, keep working hard and don’t give up.
Sadly, my best friend from high school got accepted to CSULA. That means she and I won’t be attending the same school due to her financial status. I think it is the best for the both of us. I’m meant to go to Northridge. I always complain about leaving my mother and wondering when will I have the chance to be free. Well, this is my chance. I have this freedom granted by God. I really believe God is letting me leave my LA life behind and go onto the next chapter.
I’m hoping to use Northridge as a chance to be more independent. When I head to that next chapter, I hope to gain new experiences and meet new people. Meanwhile, I have to live independently with my 3 new roommates. I’m wondering how it will be, living with 3 strangers. Not to mention and hoping to God they’re not horrible people. I hope not. Anyway, I have 6 months before I head to Northridge. I’ll try my best to finish and spend as much time with my loved ones before a new chapter comes. Wish me the best from now until Northridge.
This past month, I felt like jumping off a cliff and hoping I died of head injuries. Usually in the new year, I’d feel happy for the first couple months in the year. Mainly because of Chinese New Year and my birthday. However, I don’t feel happy. My mother started complaining since 2016. As I’m getting older, she complains about how much of a failure I am. No job, sucky education, and no car. According to her, I’m suppose to repay her with everything. I should have graduated from a prestigious school with a high-paying degree. With that degree, I should get a well-paying job so I don’t have to feel insecure about my financial status. Also, I should’ve gotten my driver’s licenses at age 16 and with my own car driving my parents around the city.
But I didn’t do all that. Instead, I stayed home and attended a community college for 6 years. I have a job that barely makes decent money. I ride the bus to school everyday. If I want to hang out with my friends or boyfriend, either I call in a lyft or pray to Jesus that one of my friends have a car to borrow for the day. Dates have to be nearby our houses or a city away. We can’t go anywhere further. That is failure to my mother. What better way than to be at home, hearing so many complaints from her. It is a nightmare. I find her worries extremely negative to the max. You don’t know how many days I am tired of hearing the same complaints for the last two years.
Parents hold this dream of their kids being a perfect little robot so they can show off what great of an invention they made. Well, as a daughter with a broken relationship with a high expectation mother, fuck those parents. We’re not made to achieve your dreams. We’re here to fulfill ours. I get you as our providers that you’re stressing on us, wondering when will we achieve everything. But you’re not doing a good job here. As parents, you have to let your kids decide what they want in life. Not go according to what you think. We’re in college because we want to find our passions and ourselves. If your kid want to pursue a dance major, support them. If they want to be an English major, let them be. Let your kids do what they want, not what you want. Never call your kids a failure. They are way more useful than you think.
Now hold the guns down. Don’t scream. Relax. The fiancé decides to be called the boyfriend.
Yes, we called it off. But for a good reason. First of all, he felt uncomfortable about the whole engagement thing. Second, he admit it was a jackass move. But in the end, we worked it out. To be honest, I didn’t feel good about being engaged so fast. I said yes because I thought that’s what he want. And I asked him if he was sure. He said he was after being sober the next day. A couple weeks in, everything was ugh. So after crying and talking it out, we came to a conclusion. I know it’s a mess. But that’s how relationships are. People get hurt all the time. But if you work it out, things will be okay. I honestly love him very much. There’s not a doubt in mind that I don’t want to be with him. I don’t know why girls get biased when I tell my problem out. I think because I tell it differently. For guys, they analyze and see it in a guy’s point of view.
Anyway, I didn’t enjoy being engaged for two weeks. It’s not that I don’t like it. I just didn’t feel comfortable with the whole status. Plus either of us told our family. I only told a few friends of mine. So no biggie. It’s for the best. There will be an engagement in the future. Just not drunk and definitely more efficient. But yeah, that’s the deal. I’m very happy with our decisions. Maybe next time I’ll be engaged for sure. But for now, he’s my boyfriend.
I have an old high school classmate who got cheated on yesterday. How do I know? The classic post on Facebook, raging on how much of a douche her ex is.
This isn’t the first time I’ve seen these kind of posts. The first time she got cheated on was back in 2012. As a young fresh-out of high school girl, I feel sorry for her. I hope she find someone a lot better than her first ex. Now I’m older, I feel very petty for her. I won’t disclose any real names. So I’ll use Cece. Cece and I aren’t really friends. I just knew her from high school. Cece and I grew up together, but we’re not close. Back then, she was more free spirited. When she got to college, she began involving herself with 3rd wave feminism and social justice warrior movements. Anything that has to do with feminism or politics, she’s there. Most of her views are biased. I’ve seen many posts on her Facebook talking political without research. That’s what social justice warriors do. They don’t research. Feminism is a bust because we’re flashing back to kindergarten. You can’t stop bad people from raping. They’re gunna do it regardless of power and status.
Anyway, Cece posted the “I got cheated on” status. Everyone flooded onto her page and immediately send their regards. I personally didn’t want to send my regards to her. Because I know immediately, she’s going to trash talk her ex. I understand it’s her Facebook and she’s allowed to post whatever she likes. However, I see this as a more personal thing between him and her. I understand getting cheated on is the worst ever. You feel betrayed, hurt, and mortified. I once got cheated on 3 years ago. But I never blast my ex on Facebook. We stopped talking to each other. I never asked him for closure. I express through poetry and private journal entries. If I seriously want to vent in real life, I vent to my close friends. I like to keep my business away from Facebook.
It’s better to move on privately. No one needs to know you got cheated on by your douche ex. It doesn’t make you a better person. By trashing your ex on Facebook, it doesn’t make you look any better. It’s worse than the ex. I’m not justifying for what Cece’s ex did was right. But Cece is doing it wrong. It’s like saying “Yes, I know your ex cheated”. But cut the crap up. You’re a grown ass adult. Get off Facebook and get a new hobby. Kick that motherfucker to the curb. If you want to express, do it privately and keep it around your circle. The whole world doesn’t need to know your ex is a douche.
I feel like I’m always going to be 5 around my mother. As an young adult, there’s no escape from my mother’s antics. This past weekend was suppose to be a happy occasion. Chinese New Year is always my favorite holiday when it comes to my culture. I get so many red envelopes filled with cash. But in the end, I had to give up to my mother because technically she believes everything is owe back to her. But nonetheless, it’s suppose to be a happy weekend. However, I am not happy. My mother has always been bickering about me in general. From Daddy’s spoiled rotten little girl to a failure as woman and scholar. What’s worse is she disapproves of my relationship due to her nonsense traditional reasoning.
My close friends all tell me that things will get better and I must not be negative. I tried to take in their advice, but dealing with a bitch everyday is impossible to lose it. Don’t worry. I didn’t lose my mind. Although in my head I always felt like wanting to go mad at her.
But I can’t. Because who knows what she’ll say to me. She always been non supportive and judgmental. I’m never free to make my own choices and decisions. Not once can she be proud of where I am today. I wish she can stop treating me like a child and start seeing I’m a grown woman. Apparently, she wouldn’t. Because a grown woman in her description is not someone who disobeys their parent. Someone who acts like a smart ass , kiss-up, and pleases people. Basically a robot. I’m not sure how long I can tolerate before my mind goes volcanic eruption mad.