love

Things I Learned When Dating a Younger Guy

This article, 10 things about dating younger guy, really helps me how I feel about my boyfriend. I don’t really get a lot of ignorant questions on why I’m dating a guy who’s younger than me by 3 years. My original dating gap policy didn’t include a guy three years younger. If I were to date someone younger than me, the max is two years. Nothing more. Anything below 2 years is too young. That’s how I was to my boyfriend when I first met him. I was 23 and he was 19 going to 20. Even though he’s legal, I saw him rather as a baby than a grown man. Things kinda took a turn when I started to hang around him.

Like any other guy friend, we talk about stuff. We connected on a certain level. But this particular guy, I fell in love and became his girlfriend. People around me support my relationship. Most say “if you like him, then it’s cool.” However, my mother didn’t seem to take my relationship serious. She believes an older guy is more mature. Her advice is to have fun with the current boyfriend. When an older guy comes along, dump him and go for the other. Inside, I feel that it is a terrible dating advice. It is also very ignorant. While dating my boyfriend, I learned no matter how old the guy is, compatibility is more important than age. My boyfriend is very mature for his age. We’re very compatible for each other.

I don’t think there is a much difference between us. The biggest concern from my mother is that she fears that he wouldn’t be able to provide as a future husband. I do have big goals in my life. One of them is marriage and kids. I don’t know the exact age I have in mind to marry. But I do know I want that in my life. My mother gets so stingy about the age difference. Because I’m near the age closer to marriage, she once in a while would tell me to dump the guy if an older guy comes around. At first, I let it bother me. I kept asking myself, “What if she’s right?” What if my boyfriend and I date too long and it’ll be too late for me? What if he can’t provide what’s best for me? But then, I start to realize and I should have said “Fuck this”. 

It’s my relationship. If I’m happy, then that’s all it matters. In my experience, I had talked/dated guys my age. Most of them have the money and education. However, they didn’t have the strong mentality of being in a serious relationship. Or they don’t want one in general due to their past. I’m fine with not being with them. I just hate the phrase, “I’m not ready for a relationship, but I’m still willing to get to know you better“. It’s an automatic bullshit to creating lies. Like what the heck you want? I’m here to be in a commitment. That is my goal. I don’t need to be messed around for your pleasure. And hey, if an older guy wants to date a younger girl, then why can’t us older women do the same for younger guy? It’s such a double standard. Love doesn’t have a number, but there’s a limit.

I think the point is I should go on with my life. Because there is a lot of seriousness in my relationship with boyfriend. I mean, he just recently passed the “Meeting Grandparents” stage. Well, technically he only met my paternal grandmother, who’s the only living and/or non-Alzheimer’s grandparent. Both of my grandfathers are dead. My maternal grandmother is unable to detect in meeting new people. At least he met my paternal one. Thank God, too. It’s important to me how my grandmother feels about my boyfriend. Luckily, she approves him like no tomorrow. I’m very happy about my relationship. I hope things go beyond the years. Maybe this is the new beginning to a future for both of us. Regardless of what my mother thinks, I should just keep around the boyfriend. He’s a keeper.

 

 

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love

Relationships are Hard

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21222/38-hard-truths-about-relationships.html

After reading that blog (if you click on it) while listening to Bruno Mars, I can definitely agree with the blogger 100%. Society always display love romance as something as easy as Ross and Rachel. Or Cory and Topanga. I’ve seen these characters have their fights, but never scenes of them holding grudges and saw the worst of themselves. Towards the end, the blogger asked “Wouldn’t it much easier to be single?” Less painful and safer. I want to agree with the word “Yes”. But then, I continue reading further about signing up in a long term relationship.

I have to remember that I did sign up for a committed relationship. Like any other of my projects, I have desires of wanting a loving committed relationship. Most of my previous relationships didn’t make a long term. It was mostly bitter throughout the three months. I hate my exes most of the time. Breaking up with them was the easiest way. My friends advise me to come into a relationship with the right mindset. Of course, I heard the relationships are going to be hard phrase. But they never told me that it’s a storm. I think I experience probably half of the list already. I’m wondering is this what people in long terms have to go through?

Damn. This is hell. I think this is why most people I come across are scared to be in a commitment. They gotta deal with all of that. If you find someone (thats’s not a jackass or crazy psycho) and can deal with their shit, then got to hand to you. You must be the luckiest son of a bitch. Like I said in my last post, I’m keeping my boyfriend around. He’s not going anywhere.

 

 

 

love

How In Love Am I?

My relationship with the boyfriend is going well. This semester, I won’t be hanging out with my friends due to them, having a different schedule. Usually, I would be able to see my friends. Unfortunately, it’s not the case. My boyfriend is the only one I hang out with during my breaks. I don’t mind at all. Seeing him everyday isn’t a problem. Earlier in our relationship, we only see each other once or twice a week. I guess maybe that’s why I don’t mind seeing him multiple times during the week.

We’re going to try this new thing where seeing each other throughout the week will be an option. However, doing homework and studying might be a little more difficult since I’m becoming more clingy. If my boyfriend isn’t around, I don’t mind hanging alone. But when he’s in the picture, I can’t seem to let him go. I don’t know if that’s bad or not. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind. As long as I know my limit, I should be good. But knowing how emotional distant I am, it’s quite a change for me.

Today was a pretty interesting day. After our morning class, we ate and hang out as usual. He had some online math homework to do. It’s not due till next Tuesday. Monday is a holiday. I had taken the class before, but failed. I do understand the concepts, but not enough practice seems to be in the light. Anyway, I want to help him with his homework. My professor, previously, never assigned homework in that math class. I guess however this semester, she decides to give it a go since it’s good for students to practice. Doing the online homework seems more worth learning than my professor’s teaching. As I went along helping my boyfriend with his homework, he seems to find it a turn on when I get the concepts. Then again, being smart is a turn on.

I feel that we’ve been falling more in love everyday. Every new detail about ourselves (good or bad) helps both of us to determine the level of love we’re feeling. I’m very happy to find someone who has the same chemistry and connection as I do. My boyfriend is the every first guy to make me feel that way. No other guy in the world has had me deep in love. I think it’s an amazing feeling to know you’re with that someone special. Now, I know some might think I should reconsider this feeling. Like am I sure this is what I’m feeling? If I feel any different, I would have dumped my boyfriend long time ago. I hope more will come in my way.

love

Public Restroom Sex

I don’t know why I wrote that title. To be honest, I thought of it randomly after discussing with my boyfriend the possibility of public restroom sex. From a goody-two shoes point of view, I find it inappropriate and disrespectful. According to the internet, I googled if public restroom sex is illegal. The answer is yes. That’s only if both parties get caught. It’s something I’d never do. But since this year will be my last year at community college, I’d figure “what the hey.” I never done anything risky in my life. My record is 100% clean. All the movies and tv shows that display how fun it is, the whole idea is pretty risky. I just hope we don’t get caught.

I’ve had sex. Just never anywhere besides the bedroom in both of our houses. My parents have no idea that I lost my v-card. If they do find out, they’d kill me. Premarital sex is a sin to our culture. 99% of the population probably won’t give a flying rat ass if I have premarital sex. As long I’m safe, then it’s fine. But the 99% is not my parents. So it’s best if I keep as a secret.

Speaking of secrets, on my personal Facebook, a friend of mine keeps posting her dirty laundry. It’s hard to tell who’s throwing in more dirty laundry. Her girlfriend or my friend. I kinda secretly peaked at the their dirty laundry and see the girlfriend claiming my friend hurt her. In all honesty, the dirty laundry has to stop piling up. First of all, no one wants to see it. Second, be discreet and talk privately. Lastly, if your relationship is to believed to not be worked out or improve, then dismiss the relationship and don’t bother trying. Because the situation is already bad as it is. Sometimes while things may be risky and intense, it’s best to keep your dirties private. I don’t know how public restroom sex is relevant to romance drama. They both have similar concepts and outcomes. But is there a moral to both situations?

 

love

Guess We’re Alright

As usual, the boyfriend and I are fine. He reached out to me yesterday which was good. I thought I lost him forever. We didn’t do much of a discussion on how I feel on personal fights in the relationship. I don’t blame him for being angry with me. But next time, we should be a little more smarter. Then again, being in critical mode doesn’t help. At the same time, I do feel he is much more mature than my exes. The last time a guy lashed out at me was 2012. My anxiety pushed him off the edge and Douche Face screamed at me. What’s worse is he was completely ignorant towards my feelings.

Thinking back to it, I can’t blame myself for having anxiety. The guy is terrible. There’s no trust in the relationship. For someone to only be attracted to me because I was a virgin is messed up. Anyway, at least that’s over. I’m happy to be in a relationship with my boyfriend. Everyday is new day for me and him.

 

love

Be right or Be Married?

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I was watching a relationship advice on Youtube. The person in the video I recognized her from TedTalks. I love TedTalks. Many speakers in the video give out really excellent advice. It’s crystal clear and straight to the point. You’re probably wondering what the heck does that quote mean? Well, I’ll explain it in a second. But just a quick story. It’s kinda sad. My boyfriend and I fought this morning. We were fighting between Thursday night and Friday morning. But we smashed it and went back to normal. I didn’t know the same thing would be dragged out again today.

This is the second time he proposed a space limit, similar to our first bad fight. But with added more suspense. I was given another door to open if I chose the break-up path on my own during his break. This time, he won’t chase after me and we’ll never see each other ever again.

My heart is literally beating inside of me, filled with anxiety. I already had family emergencies going on. I don’t need my relationship to be added to the mix. It’s already been 5 hours since his last text. I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel he is giving me the freedom to walk away to see my reaction. He’ll probably use that against me if we do break up. At the same time, waiting is difficult. Because unlike previous fights, he’s the angered one, not me. After tolerating my so called “quitter” attitude, he officially unleashed his real anger with cursing. Luckily, it wasn’t in person. It was on text. But it still stunned me, but at the same time, I’m relieved he was brave enough to tell the truth. I always wanted him to tell me. He was afraid to in the beginning.

I guess this must have pushed him to the point where he can’t take it anymore. The whole argument was mostly based on sex and me avoiding the conversation. I already knew it’s going to be the same. But I never knew this would be the outcome. I spend the whole morning thinking to myself to see if I could figure out what to do. It wasn’t until I looked up on Youtube and found the most appropriate advice ever. Like I stated in the beginning, the speaker from TedTalks posted a video on advice of fighting in a relationship. Unlike most general advice, the quote, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?”, got me struck and amazed.

I honestly believe we’re both not smart in the fighting. Too much bickering and pointing fingers. It’s normal for couples to go through that. However, I fear the worst might happen. We haven’t really learned from our old fights. I mean, there was tensions before. But it wasn’t that bad. We both usually hear each other out and squash it as quick as we can. Throughout our relationship, we both focus on our feelings rather than logic when it comes to fights. I’m usually the one who caves in and apologize for my behavior. Then I would try to improve myself. Deep down in my heart, walking away and breaking up is the least thing I want to do. I don’t see myself not being in a relationship with him. My boyfriend is the best partner I ever asked for. Despite the complications, I try my best to ignore his flaws and accept him 100% as a human being.

It’s why that quote is perfect. The real question is “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?” Well, not literally married. “Married” as in wise. In other words, do you want to be wise or right? I prefer to be married. I have my fair shares of pointing fingers, too. Don’t get me wrong. I’m no angel. But in the end, I take a break and figure out the real deal. Focus on logic rather than feelings. I don’t want to claim that I’m right all the time in fights. Even if I am, I try my best not to claim the statement.

Relationships are hard. I wonder how people in long term did it. I always thought being in a long term relationship is easy if you’re with the right person. But it’s a wrong factor. Even with the right person, it’s not easy. Fights are bound to happen whether you like it or not. I just hope we don’t get toxic in the future. It’s okay to be pissed and let some steam, but never get toxic. I hope things will be a lighter option.

life · love

Domestic Abuse

In society, when a male abuses a female, people are quick to react and defend for the female. But when it’s reversed, society sees it as a pathetic situation. Male victims are unlikely to get the help they need. I honestly would help both victims. It doesn’t matter what gender you are. If you are a victim of any abuse, I’d definitely would help you.

This blog is inspired by a recent situation happening in my boyfriend’s family. I’m the only one with the enclosed information. Last night, my boyfriend came over as a safety getaway to hide from his stepmom. His stepmom aka Dad’s girlfriend was acting up again. We all heard stories of evil stepmothers in fairy tales and real life. Step-parents are quick to be labelled as evil figures in a child’s life. In my opinion, it depends on how lucky you are to find someone who will treat your child as their own.

My boyfriend’s Dad isn’t what you call lucky. Both of them have been living together with the woman for a year. It wasn’t a pleasant surprise that she has personal issues with my boyfriend. In the beginning, they were all getting along just fine. Until true colors start appearing more, things got out of hand. I personally had met my boyfriend’s dad. He is a very gentle person. Although I only spoken to him on quick basis, I got a feeling he’s a good man. In no way do I see his Father as anything otherwise.

His stepmom, however, is quite another story. Last night, my boyfriend texted me that his stepmom was acting up. She threatened with violence and victim playing against the father. We don’t know why she was acting up. It was probably due to her getting caught by boyfriend from ruining a father’s day gift. I think it’s a typical case of evil stepmother syndrome. To be honest, she hates my boyfriend. Because he’s not her biological child, she sees him as a threat in the family. The woman would belittle and create lies just to badger my boyfriend.

She would “claim” how emotionally unstable and an abusive he is towards women and children. I say those are false claims. Because I’ve been in a relationship with him for 8 months and in no way did he ever display those behaviors. I understand 8 months is too early to detect, but it’s enough for me to know my boyfriend isn’t what the stepmom claims. If he were to display those behaviors, he would’ve shown early and I wouldn’t be with him.

The Dad knows she is out of hand, but only hangs onto the relationship just for sakes of the lease. It won’t expire until  4 months in. Honestly, she hasn’t been the greatest person in the house. My boyfriend’s Dad pays for everything in the house. For her, she’s been living there rent free. The only time she paid for the house was the down payment. It’s still not enough. This is a pretty obvious move to get my boyfriend out. I think she’s doing all of this just to kick my boyfriend out and have the Dad to herself.

Unfortunately, his dad sees bullshit and doesn’t love her anymore. So how are they going to keep up with domestic abuse in the house for the next 4 months? I don’t know. This happened more than once but less than five. I urge my boyfriend to stay safe in case if something happens. I hate to predict the worst case scenario, but it’s unpredictable. Please share this as awareness to Domestic Abuse. It goes both ways. No one should be treated any different. Men are victims too.