life · love

Birthday Sex

You know the song “Birthday Sex” by Jeremih? That song is so old! Anyway, the question is “Did anyone had sex on their birthday?” If not, it’s freaking cool! I hardly talk about having sex action on my blog because I don’t have any hot juicy sex story. Most of my sexual activities are involved with the boyfriend. Because being an old fashioned 87 year old lady at heart, I waited for the right person as I did. I think I mention about a thousand times that I lost my virginity to the boyfriend. But never got into the details. Well I think I can recall it since I’m finally ready. If I remember the details.

So before my boyfriend enters my cave, I was a virgin. At first, I was strict on not letting anyone in unless they are worthy. My boyfriend wanted to make love to me in our relationship. However, it kinda took me a while to understand his unhappiness in the beginning. The idea of men wanting sex in a relationship really bugged me. Why get physical when you can do physics? I wasn’t too keen on letting him in since I was afraid. I purposely lay out the three months rule where if he can prove to me, for 90 days exact, that I’m not a hit and quit, then we can do the dirty.

Skip forward to three months exact and I was completely ready to rip my clothes off. However, we didn’t do it on our 3rd month anniversary since it got cut short. My mother wanted me home quick. So we had no choice but to withhold it. That is until my 24th birthday. Yeah, we made love or had sex on my birthday. I turned 24 on Feb 5th of 2017. I don’t remember if I was nervous or excited. All I know is the night before my birthday, he came over. Mind you, I still live with my parents. Don’t judge. LA rent is very expensive. Plus it is more fun when you have sex at night.

Anyway, he came over late at night. I don’t remember how we got started. But as usual, clothes were ripped off gently. His soft lips kissing my skin. Foreplay was inputted. When it was time for him to enter the cave, I was extremely nervous. I kinda freak out a little and told myself, I can’t do it. My naked body just lay there, frighten. Not wanting to risk losing my virginity. After being a virgin for so long, you kinda want to be selfish and not give it away. However, knowing I’m in a committed relationship and intimacy is the important package, I had to do it. My boyfriend had to convince me to trust him that everything will be alright if I let him. So I did.

After 3 hassle months, he entered my cave! Tada! First guy to steal my virginity! I think we were in a missionary position. So he shoved his penis in and out for like 5 minutes. Then he cum and proclaim his love for me. Hahaha. 10 months later, we’re shacking up like no tomorrow! I have no shame. I’m an adult and I like having fun with my boyfriend. I think I suck at telling a sex story. Oh well. You can judge if it’s good or not.

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life · love

I Like Sex to Making Love

I’ve spoken my old fashioned points of views on sex before. My personal thing is having sex with the right person in a monogamous relationship. For those who just like having casual sex, it’s your deal. I’m not criticizing your life. You’re an adult. You make your own decisions. However, the feelings of loneliness may catch up and before you know it, you’ll be in love again.

There’s this blog I used to follow or that blogger used to follow me, who goes by the name, The girl who couldn’t picture herself in a relationship . You should check her out. She’s got great stories. Anyway, I hate to put her in the spotlight of my blog. I hope she doesn’t mind if she reads this. I just got very intrigued by this topic. The last time I spoken to this girl, she said to me that serious relationships isn’t her thing anymore. After two toxic relationships, she decides to stay away from relationships. But it doesn’t stop her from enjoying sex with any boys. I respect her choice. I figure she must have her fun by now. However, after a while, I decide to come onto her blog to see her recent most update. To my surprise, she got herself in an monogamous relationship.

I’m shocked to see how people who loves casual sex end up in a serious relationship. It’s funny how life works in a mysterious way. Sometimes when we get hurt by toxic people, we tend to forget that there’s someone better for us. We shut down, trained ourselves to become emotionally unavailable, and become dead cruel. After a while, the person we’re meant to be show up in our lives like a fairy godmother. However that fairy godmother had to adjust us before waving her magic wand. Before we know it, we’re like Cinderella dancing away with our Prince. I hope many happiness to those who found love. Never doubt that there isn’t someone out there for you.

 

life · lifestyle · love

The Different Life

This is going to be sorta of a rant. I grew up as an angry child. I have friends that are angry and depressed. Those friends became my 2nd family. The only blood relatives that are close to me are my 1st cousins on paternal’s side. My life is up and down, but I manage. I found the love of my life whom I hope to spend the rest of my life with. He’s bit more emotional and still has a long way to go. Overall, I held these people together like glue. I’ve listened to so many “I hate my family“, “My life is crap“, and “I’m all alone in this world”.

Yet I still am loyal to these people. Why you ask? Because I want to help. I could’ve easily been a jerk and tell them to fuck off. But nope. I hear them out like a therapist. Anytime they feel they need to get things out, I’m their person. What’s craziest is I’m all they got. If I leave, who knows what might happen to them. I love my friends and boyfriend equally. I’d do anything to keep them happy. I have my own problems, but I usually just suck it in and forget it as best as I can. You can say I’m a pretty good friend/girlfriend.

Why am I ranting? Well, sometimes I just want to take off. This sounds really bad. But I feel like taking off. I want to be somewhere quiet where I don’t have to hear people’s daily problems about their dysfunctional family or self hating. It’s easy to tell them that everything will be alright. But it’s hard to tell them to shut up.  I’m tired yet I still want to help them. I wish for a different life where I want to see my friends not depressed. I want my boyfriend to make something use for himself. I want everyone to feel good and not worry so much. Just do the best you can and hopefully things will be the way you dreamed of.

life · love

Promises and Many more

For the past couple days, it was rather angry/confusing stuff going on in my relationship. Arguing on text is really bad. Because there’s no emotions behind the screen, plus you can’t tell. It kinda all started with a bad Sunday night. My boyfriend got drunk and begged me to go over to his house. I wasn’t willing to because he lives 17 miles from me. The following day is school. He kept on urging me to, so I gave in. I didn’t know alcohol was in his breath until I kissed him. It was weird at first and the night progressed into a bit of anger. I went back home around 1:30 AM, sleepy and tired. I only had 5 hours of sleep. So being super grumpy the next day wasn’t good.

I was very moody. Coffee doesn’t help me because I get nausea if I drink it in the morning. On top of that, I suddenly remember his drunken talk of engagement. I was shocked to hear it, yet I was confused. We had talks of marriage earlier in our relationship but it’s more of a rather later process. I tried to get a clear view on what’s his perspective is. The talk was rather more confusing and anger than crystal clear. Believe me. Marriage is definitely in my future, however, I see as later than now. He agrees with the statement. We’re not engaged. But I was still edgy for some odd reason. I wanted something more than just not being engaged.

My boyfriend loves to speak about how he wants us together for the rest of our lives. I’m the type to never speak about it. I don’t need to be constantly reminded. It’s okay to know that we’re in each other’s future. But I don’t want to be constantly reminded. It’s very annoying. I couldn’t tell him how annoying it is to his face. So what better way to be reminded without him constantly bringing it up is a promise ring. Yes. I got a promise ring from my boyfriend. I suggested the idea in order to use it as a symbol of eternal love.

Since he always express his love for me, I figure a promise ring is a good way to go. I used to believe promise rings aren’t something I would want in a relationship. Because it’s not much of a deal to have. But I have to get one for this relationship. With the boyfriend’s constant eternal love talk, a promise ring should be the symbol of our relationship. We promise to be together forever. That means the love we have for each other is forever implanted in our hearts. The ring is a symbol to our relationship. I picked out a really simple ring. It’s a small silver band ring. I don’t want a flashy ring. He doesn’t have one. Although it’s not a surprise, it’s still very meaningful to me. So yeah. I got a promise ring. I hope we’ll be together forever. It’s the whole point of the relationship.

 

love

Age Gap in Dating

People date in small and large age gaps. I personally try my best to fall under the non-pedophile/dad age gap. Everyone keeps saying that age is just a number. However, age is a limit. I certainly don’t want a 14 year old out with a 21 year old. Nor do I approve dating someone the same age as your parent. Because it’s weirdly inappropriate. To others, it is fine because both are at legal age. Well, it’s not going to change my views but it’s people’s relationship. None of my business. I used to have a policy to try to date someone around my age. Not too young and not too old.

My old age dating policy used to be guys’ age no more or less 3 years older/younger than me. Until I met my boyfriend, I fell for his personality and decide to accept him in my life.  Our age gap is 3 years. Of course, I’m the older one as I had mention multiple times in my blog. It’s not bad. We are both legal and the age gap isn’t huge. My mom’s side and her friends think otherwise. My parents’ generation are born in the 50’s and 60’s. Back then, the man brings home the bacon while the woman cleans and cares for the household. They feel an older man is more mature and stable. I personally disagree with their statement. Just because you’re older, doesn’t mean you are mature. I had dated/talked to older guys. From my personal experience, my past consist of immaturity of all ages.

Sure, they have the money and independence. I can’t connect with them well. Chemistry and emotional bond is very important in a relationship. My past always focus more on their money than personal bonding. Therefore, those relationships failed to the extent. I do have guy friends that are older and wise. My problem is I see them as a friend. No more than anything. So that leads to dating my boyfriend. I have a feeling my mom will forever have a problem with me dating a younger guy. At this point, I can’t even convince her that my boyfriend is a stable person. If he was a bad boyfriend, I wouldn’t last a year with him. Let alone three months.

Ninety nine percent of female family members had married someone who’s older than them. Only one female member’s marriage to someone is younger than her. That marriage has been dead for 20 years. That marriage lead to my mother’s logic of dating someone younger than you. I see it as nothing. What is the difference between dating someone older and younger than you? We live in a millennial generation. Now it’s the opposite. It’s more of the females taking care of everything. People date people younger or older than them no matter which sex.

At this rate, I’m continuing my relationship regardless if my mother persuades me to find someone else. I hope to god my boyfriend and I show her that our relationship is strong enough to stay. I’m not bothered by our age differences. We both had discuss each other’s future. It is in positivity that we do want each other in the our future. In order to keep that vow, we have to stick together. If anything happens, I accept the consequences.

life · love

High School/College Sweethearts

In life, sometimes we might stumble across the one person we’re meant to be with. We get in a relationship. Go through stages and phases. Graduate together and start careers. You name it. Those couples rarely exists. Like 0.01%. If that person happen to come across their true love in high school and continue, then they’re lucky. No needs of finding another person, experience heartaches, and going through trial and error. They’re all set for life. I know a couple from my high school that has been together since 2007. They both graduated high school and went to college. They both got a head start of their career as entrepreneurs. Surprisingly, they made it together and settled down as husband/wife.

The others didn’t make it. Maybe because things change and life goes on. Sometimes you think you found someone in high school or college. You plan this whole future with them, hoping to stay with them forever. But when the clock stops, both of you want different things. In the end, you both break up and walk different paths. It happens mostly with high school sweethearts. I’m not sure about college sweethearts. Maybe it’s the same thing. Who knows. I never had a relationship in either high school or early college years. I spent too much time being alone and wondering if relationships are meant for me.

I had a mentality of finding a boyfriend isn’t important in life. What matters is career and discovering who I am as an individual. In high school, my parents weren’t those liberal parents that allowed their kids to date. I had the “no boyfriend” rule. So I got used to being alone. When I enter in my early 20s, by age 21, I began to desire to wanting a relationship. Thankfully, I changed my mind about wanting a relationship. Now that I am in one, I keep wondering if my relationship will last forever. I wanted to. It’s nice to imagine a future with my boyfriend. We plan to be together through college. Then career stage. Possibly marriage and kids in the end. There’s a lot we both want in our relationship. I think it’s cool. I want to be positive about our relationship and not predict the unfortunate. I definitely hope we’d make it through and be in each other’s arms in the end. I don’t want to end up not wanting different things and throwing my relationship away. If it happens, then I guess I’ll deal with it. If it doesn’t, then I’m going to lucky to have my college boyfriend.

 

love

One Year Down. More to Go

Today is my first year anniversary with my boyfriend! I can’t believe I made it this far in a relationship. Yeah, I know a monkey can do it in a beat. But for me, it’s different. I’ve never been in a real relationship before. My longest before my boyfriend are always 3 months. My past always indicates that they’re not the right person for me. I always knew deep down in my guts that those people weren’t going to be in my life in the long road. I just never realize it. It’s probably the reason why I stopped my relationships so short. When my boyfriend came in the picture, I thought he’ll be another slum bag who’s going to play a game. However, things were different when I started my relationship. He had the right idea to win my heart. Because of that, I naturally fell in love for the first time. It wasn’t any temporarily feelings or doubts.

I felt real feelings for the guy. In conclusion, we both knew the relationship is worth a try. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. Throughout the relationship, I learn quite many lessons and more of me. The things I never imagine myself doing, I end up doing. I became more positive and happier. I also learn how to fight for my relationship in case if we have issues. One good advice I stumble upon is Never go to bed mad. It is not good. If you need to cool off, then cool off. But never go to bed mad. Although I don’t like talking about it out yet, my boyfriend still wants us to squash it.

Now that one year is down, I’m definitely looking forward to more years down the road. My boyfriend and I had talked marriage and kids lately. We want it together, so it might be down the road. Not now. But definitely down the road. I hope my relationship does lat forever. He’s definitely worth my timing. Onto more driving me crazy years!