If you seen my blog, “My Narcissistic Mother“, you’d get the hint that I have a terrible relationship with her. I’ve spoken about my mother plenty of times on this blog. It’s not a surprise that I display such strong feelings. She may have raised me, but most of the time, she is not a good mother. In my eyes, my mother is way too judgmental and close minded. Anything I say or do is an imperfection to her. Most Asian immigrant parents have this mentality where their kids are suppose to be a certain way. Like I said, I’ve spoken about it once or twice.
You might be thinking, “Well why can’t you move out?”. I wish I could, but I can’t. I’m too broke to even move out. For the past ten years, I tried my best to hide my emotional stress away from her. I used writing as a way to escape from reality. Sometimes, venting to my best friend is also a help. But overall, I’m still an unhappy child. I will never be happy unless either I have the money to move out or she dies. I won’t even be sad if she does. Because having my mother around is very depressing.
Sometimes, she tries to display an open mind, but it’ll only last for a few seconds before she can start complaining about me. Many people around me feel bad that I have that kind of mother who loves yelling at me. Every time she yells at me, she would pick on the unsuccessful things in my life. Being stuck at a community college with no license and job. These were suppose to be the things I should’ve achieved earlier. Meanwhile, I have to also develop cooking and cleaning skills. It’s pretty much set as an example of being firmly independent.
When I get older and have my own children, I would never display that kind of judgmental and close minded behavior. I would also never downgrade my children if they make a minor mistake. But I also want to guide them to the right path. I don’t want to be too much of a friend. All of my mother’s negative parenting really inspired me to not become like my mother. It’ll be the biggest mistake if I ever adapted to her parenting style. So for those post that says “If I ever become half of a woman that my mother is, that will be great”. Well, fuck you. Some of us don’t have a wonderful role model of a mother.
I’m lucky mine doesn’t do drugs or alcohol to beat my ass up everyday. Oh wait. She doesn’t need drugs or alcohol. She’s Asian. All she need is build-up anger and a bamboo stick. Let all that anger out on your innocent child. That’ll show what a horrible parent she is. Too bad she can’t beat me anymore. Because I’m 24 years old and getting beat by a 50 year old woman is very awkward.