life

Date An Older Guy!

I don’t know what’s the obsession of a younger girl dating an older guy, but fuck this bullshit. For the past 6 months, my mother consistently brings up our age difference between me and my boyfriend. She feels that because I’m older than him, the relationship is inappropriate. I’m 24 years old. I mention how my mother constantly reminds me that I should be thinking about marriage. Because I’m getting closer to the appropriate age of marriage. My boyfriend, however, isn’t there yet. She fears that we’re not going to be on the same page. After the luncheon, she misunderstood his quiet behavior as a jerk move. My boyfriend was a bit nervous and shy to interact with my mother and grandmother during lunch.

It’s an understanding to me. I know my boyfriend for almost a year. He’s not a jerk. But to my mother who hardly interacts with him automatically thinks he’s an ass. She literally compared him with my cousin’s boyfriend. She didn’t even interact with my cousin’s boyfriend and thinks he’s a much nicer boyfriend than mine. I am utterly repulsive towards my mother’s comments. Since 6 months ago, my mother never shuts up about me dating a younger guy. To her, a younger guy is immature and an ass. She even questions me why I don’t like older guys. It’s not that I don’t. I have talked/dated older guys.  Most of the time, it didn’t work out.

Why? Because I don’t have chemistry with them. Nor do they want a serious relationship. Plus my second ex, Greg, whom cheated on me, is older than me by two years. Our relationship was shit. In my personal experience, I haven’t come across any guys my age that are mature and stable enough to be in a relationship. My old dating policy on younger men used to be at a limit of two years apart. Three years was already too young for me. I used to think that. But ever since I met boyfriend, I was heads over heels for him. I fell in love with my boyfriend because not only our personality clicks. But also he treats me like a queen. He sees me as beautiful woman when it comes to making love with each other.

There may be times where I fought with my boyfriend and I want to punch him. In the end, I still love the guy. No one is perfect. It’s just sad that my mother doesn’t really see the man in him. You’re probably questioning if I had defend for my boyfriend and explain his behavior. I didn’t. “How could you?” “You’re his girlfriend!” I would defend for my boyfriend. But however, I don’t want to cause drama with my mother. She is stubborn as an ox. Because of a misunderstanding, she wouldn’t give him another try. Therefore, my relationship with him must slowly discontinue. If I don’t and report to her that he treats me like shit, I can’t come crying to her.

If my boyfriend treats me like shit, he would’ve done so long time ago. I wouldn’t be this attracted to him if anything. I’m sorry, but dating this guy for a year really tells me that he’ll be in my life for quite sometime.

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life

Culture Differences

As an Asian American, we are expected to have common courtesy within our household. A fine example is when eating out in a dim sum restaurant, as a youngster, you are expected to pour tea for the elderly. It’s a sign of respect and politeness. I grew up learning the common courtesy in my culture. My Asian friends grew up with it too. We’re very used to serving food for each other. I’m not sure about my Hispanic friends on how they eat with each other. I’m assuming it’s different.

Today, my mother decide to invite my boyfriend out to lunch, along with my paternal grandmother. I did mention in my last post that my paternal grandmother seem to be very fond of him. I’m not sure if she thought of my boyfriend otherwise since she did came into my room and explained how fond she is of him. My mother, however, had a different case. She believes my boyfriend has no common courtesy. During the luncheon, my boyfriend just sat quietly and eats his meal. It doesn’t even occur to him that I was serving my grandmother and mother food and drink before I eat. I guess he didn’t look around or even try it out. My mother find it very rude and compare him with my cousin’s filipino boyfriend.

My theory is because my cousin’s boyfriend is Asian, it’s probably known well that he knows these types of courtesy. Because he grew up with the culture and knows the drill of respecting our elders. My boyfriend didn’t experience nor had any Asian friends growing up. Therefore, he didn’t know what to do in an Asian restaurant. I didn’t really care nor bother paying attention to what’s going on. But I also feel it’s partially my fault for not teaching him these common courtesy. This is purposely conflicting me of whether I should continue keeping my boyfriend around. Knowing him, he is a very shy person and isn’t too social.

I’m trying to be an understanding girlfriend. Bringing him into my life and getting approved by people ,who are very important to me, makes me happy. But if my mother thinks otherwise based on a one time luncheon, I don’t know what to do. I could talk to him tonight and explain everything, hopefully in giving him another shot at meeting more members of my family. Or I could be a jerk and take my mother’s advice in slowly dumping him. I don’t want my family to get an impression that my boyfriend is an asshole. My friends probably don’t care and didn’t really assume he’s an ass for not serving them. We’re not very traditional, but it’s a habit. Anyway, this is what happens when it comes to two cultures coming together. It’s very different.

 

 

love

Things I Learned When Dating a Younger Guy

This article, 10 things about dating younger guy, really helps me how I feel about my boyfriend. I don’t really get a lot of ignorant questions on why I’m dating a guy who’s younger than me by 3 years. My original dating gap policy didn’t include a guy three years younger. If I were to date someone younger than me, the max is two years. Nothing more. Anything below 2 years is too young. That’s how I was to my boyfriend when I first met him. I was 23 and he was 19 going to 20. Even though he’s legal, I saw him rather as a baby than a grown man. Things kinda took a turn when I started to hang around him.

Like any other guy friend, we talk about stuff. We connected on a certain level. But this particular guy, I fell in love and became his girlfriend. People around me support my relationship. Most say “if you like him, then it’s cool.” However, my mother didn’t seem to take my relationship serious. She believes an older guy is more mature. Her advice is to have fun with the current boyfriend. When an older guy comes along, dump him and go for the other. Inside, I feel that it is a terrible dating advice. It is also very ignorant. While dating my boyfriend, I learned no matter how old the guy is, compatibility is more important than age. My boyfriend is very mature for his age. We’re very compatible for each other.

I don’t think there is a much difference between us. The biggest concern from my mother is that she fears that he wouldn’t be able to provide as a future husband. I do have big goals in my life. One of them is marriage and kids. I don’t know the exact age I have in mind to marry. But I do know I want that in my life. My mother gets so stingy about the age difference. Because I’m near the age closer to marriage, she once in a while would tell me to dump the guy if an older guy comes around. At first, I let it bother me. I kept asking myself, “What if she’s right?” What if my boyfriend and I date too long and it’ll be too late for me? What if he can’t provide what’s best for me? But then, I start to realize and I should have said “Fuck this”. 

It’s my relationship. If I’m happy, then that’s all it matters. In my experience, I had talked/dated guys my age. Most of them have the money and education. However, they didn’t have the strong mentality of being in a serious relationship. Or they don’t want one in general due to their past. I’m fine with not being with them. I just hate the phrase, “I’m not ready for a relationship, but I’m still willing to get to know you better“. It’s an automatic bullshit to creating lies. Like what the heck you want? I’m here to be in a commitment. That is my goal. I don’t need to be messed around for your pleasure. And hey, if an older guy wants to date a younger girl, then why can’t us older women do the same for younger guy? It’s such a double standard. Love doesn’t have a number, but there’s a limit.

I think the point is I should go on with my life. Because there is a lot of seriousness in my relationship with boyfriend. I mean, he just recently passed the “Meeting Grandparents” stage. Well, technically he only met my paternal grandmother, who’s the only living and/or non-Alzheimer’s grandparent. Both of my grandfathers are dead. My maternal grandmother is unable to detect in meeting new people. At least he met my paternal one. Thank God, too. It’s important to me how my grandmother feels about my boyfriend. Luckily, she approves him like no tomorrow. I’m very happy about my relationship. I hope things go beyond the years. Maybe this is the new beginning to a future for both of us. Regardless of what my mother thinks, I should just keep around the boyfriend. He’s a keeper.

 

 

life

Befriending the Mistress

I did a 5 page paper on power dynamics between women in mythology. It’s quite shocking from most of the stories I read. My professor told the class that students didn’t have access to these stories. Because it’s so controversial these days. We all hear media entertainment on cheating. The usual angry wife finding out about the clueless mistress who is sleeping with her husband. In mythology, ordinary women gets raped by the Gods, yet the Goddesses only punish the mistress. Isn’t it quite relevant to this day? It surprises me how thousands of years ago, women treat each other as threats. Girls are very quick to judge each other in a stereotype sense. They believe other girls are out to get their man.

Men could have it too, but it’s less spoken than women. Anyway, I personally think no one is a homewrecker unless they know very well that the person isn’t single. There’s a movie called “The Other Woman“. It’s your stereotypically husband cheats on wife storyline. However, this husband is a serial cheater in a twist. In the beginning, the mistress finds out her boyfriend is actually a husband. The wife was distraught with the information, but wants to find out why her husband has been cheating. Throughout the movie, both women bonded in a sense. Together they team up with another mistress to debunk the husband. It’s interesting to me that these women would become friends after what happened.

Frankly, I don’t think women should attack each other if the story hasn’t been told. In fact, they should leave each other alone. I personally had been in that situation. I don’t know if I was a side dish or not. Probably was at the time. I also wrote about having Opposite Sex Friends in back in April. I’ll link it right here. Opposite Sex Friends 

It’s pretty self explanatory on how I feel about having opposite sex friends while being in a relationship. Anyway, I think women shouldn’t be so quick to judge each other. Sometimes the mistress might not be at fault. She may not have known the status of his relationship. He could’ve lied to her. I don’t understand why women punish the mistress and not the guy. Befriending them might be an option too. They can have wine and talk shit about the guy for being an asshole. Otherwise, be open minded and give an ear to listen. If it sounds like shit, then fuck both of them.

love

Relationships are Hard

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21222/38-hard-truths-about-relationships.html

After reading that blog (if you click on it) while listening to Bruno Mars, I can definitely agree with the blogger 100%. Society always display love romance as something as easy as Ross and Rachel. Or Cory and Topanga. I’ve seen these characters have their fights, but never scenes of them holding grudges and saw the worst of themselves. Towards the end, the blogger asked “Wouldn’t it much easier to be single?” Less painful and safer. I want to agree with the word “Yes”. But then, I continue reading further about signing up in a long term relationship.

I have to remember that I did sign up for a committed relationship. Like any other of my projects, I have desires of wanting a loving committed relationship. Most of my previous relationships didn’t make a long term. It was mostly bitter throughout the three months. I hate my exes most of the time. Breaking up with them was the easiest way. My friends advise me to come into a relationship with the right mindset. Of course, I heard the relationships are going to be hard phrase. But they never told me that it’s a storm. I think I experience probably half of the list already. I’m wondering is this what people in long terms have to go through?

Damn. This is hell. I think this is why most people I come across are scared to be in a commitment. They gotta deal with all of that. If you find someone (thats’s not a jackass or crazy psycho) and can deal with their shit, then got to hand to you. You must be the luckiest son of a bitch. Like I said in my last post, I’m keeping my boyfriend around. He’s not going anywhere.

 

 

 

life

The Beginning to One Year

Today’s evening really put me in a challenge. This is more than just a simple “Blah” argument and then “Make Up”. We did fight, but it didn’t made sense. After maybe a few hours, we went back to being okay. Being in this relationship has taught me so much about challenges and obstacles. I don’t know why the “break up” card had to be thrown in because of a minor issue. Sometimes the issue was about me and I didn’t understand it. But then the issue turn into his. It was quite a confusing fight. The sex issue was brought up again. Since I have been sexually active for the past 6 months, my boyfriend assumes I should be able to pick something from the bedroom.

He already heard me stating about my non-experience and shyness of sex a thousand times. Excuses shouldn’t be made and he stated how tired he is for explaining again. I, being the stubborn one, was crying and begging him to keep our relationship. I believe fighting about sex shouldn’t be an issue to fight on. Although it is, I try my best to deny it. I thought for sure he was going to end our relationship through that. But knowing the passive aggressive text, it was impossible for us to break. I already been hearing him giving me a list of reasons why we should break up multiple times.

If we were to break up, the reason has to come naturally. Not because you think we should. Anyway, I begged and cried. Finally, he shook up and admitted to something he thinks he has. STDS. -Dun dun dun!-

Ok, that was a bit too personal. But what does this have to do with what I’m about to blog? I’m getting towards the point. Surprisingly, my boyfriend thinks he has STDS for the past 4 years. He did get tested, but results are negative. But he believes he has something. Like  HPV. I sat in my mom’s car, looking at his text. I didn’t have a bad reaction. When I got home after the whole “I won’t break up with you because you have an imaginary STD”, I started reminisce on the statement. Last year, before we became sexually active, he and I did have this conversation. It was the same thing. We were trying to have sex. He kept reassuring me that he doesn’t have an STD. I said just because you said you don’t, doesn’t mean I should believe you.

That was a year ago. I said that because I don’t know him. We were barely in a relationship. I honestly thought I would have a bad reaction if he ever were to tell me he has an STD. Similar to a movie of tv scene, where the guy tells his significant other that he is positive for HIV. The girl slaps him and calls him ‘disgusting’. She leaves angrily and never sees him again. I thought that would be my reaction. But after a year of protected sex, he said to me he thinks he has an STD. My reaction was neutral and calm.

In all honesty, if he were to be having protective sex, it’s not possible to be catching an STD. Society always believe if you sleep with millions of people or one positive, you may catch an STD. Symptoms would be easily shown with warts growing on genitals. I think that’s what HPV is suppose to show. But I don’t see any around his genitals. Plus he has  worn condoms and getting tested regularly. I think he’s just freaking out for no reason. Our sex education is a bit of an ignorance. However, I did take a college health course. Nothing did say anything about chances of getting an STD is high due to an amount of sex.

I honestly never met anyone who slept with a million of people to contact STD. It’s very unlikely. I probably should tell my boyfriend to just chill. He is being smart about sex and is getting tested regularly. I don’t think the on and off “pain” should be a problem. If he really thinks so, I highly suggest another test. If it comes out negative again, then he should stop worrying and continue to be smart.

This relationship is pretty worth fighting for. Never have I not given up a guy so easily. I think he’s a keeper. Even if he shoves all these useless theories, I still want the guy around.

life

You Deserve Better

Good Morning! I just woke up and thinking about the fight/conversation I had last night with my boyfriend. Apparently,  the breaking up card seems to be his favorite move in the game. I haven’t heard that phrase, “You deserve better“, since dating the loser ex of mine. What I think is deserve better for me is my decision. And the universe telling me something. My boyfriend, according to him, describes himself as a lost cause. No money, no car, and still lives with his dad who pays everything for him. Meanwhile, he has no friends and study habit kinda sucks. Sounds almost exactly like most of us in college. I’m sure he’s not the only one struggling in the college life. My best friend is a hermit. Do I care? No.

I can careless if I run into a guy who’s so called perfect for me. My mother wants me to find an older guy with money and independent. My boyfriend is none of the above. I personally don’t care. I’ve met a ton of guys with the money and independence. Just one problem. No chemistry. I can’t talk to these people. I tried bonding with them, but nope. Not a zip. Worst of all, most of them don’t want a relationship. My goal in college is not only focus on my career, but to also find someone who wants a long term relationship. I’ve been working on both currently. Guess what? I’m satisfied. If according to plan, I should finish my last year at community college. Transfer by next year to a University. Life should go from there.

I also found someone who wants a long term relationship. Although younger than me by almost 4 years, I can careless. My point is I hate people who tries to impress with their resume. They can say all they want. But I don’t care. I rather have someone in my life who makes me proud of their accomplishments than to impress me of what they already have. Most of my friends have their lost cause phase in college. After a few years, they finally know exactly what they want and use that plan to go ahead. I’m proud of them. I’m  sure my boyfriend will go through the same. He’ll be lost for a few years. After a few years, he’ll know exactly what he wants and go from there. Before I know it, he’s in success.

It helps me see people grow within the years I’ve known them. Regardless if they’re my best friend or boyfriend, I want to see people grow as an individual. Don’t impress me. Make me proud of you. So don’t tell me I’m making a big mistake in this relationship. I know you’re worried if I wait too long, I might regret being with him. That’s not to judge right now. I have a feeling this would be a good relationship for me. The universe is telling me to not let him go easily.