life

You Deserve Better

Good Morning! I just woke up and thinking about the fight/conversation I had last night with my boyfriend. Apparently,  the breaking up card seems to be his favorite move in the game. I haven’t heard that phrase, “You deserve better“, since dating the loser ex of mine. What I think is deserve better for me is my decision. And the universe telling me something. My boyfriend, according to him, describes himself as a lost cause. No money, no car, and still lives with his dad who pays everything for him. Meanwhile, he has no friends and study habit kinda sucks. Sounds almost exactly like most of us in college. I’m sure he’s not the only one struggling in the college life. My best friend is a hermit. Do I care? No.

I can careless if I run into a guy who’s so called perfect for me. My mother wants me to find an older guy with money and independent. My boyfriend is none of the above. I personally don’t care. I’ve met a ton of guys with the money and independence. Just one problem. No chemistry. I can’t talk to these people. I tried bonding with them, but nope. Not a zip. Worst of all, most of them don’t want a relationship. My goal in college is not only focus on my career, but to also find someone who wants a long term relationship. I’ve been working on both currently. Guess what? I’m satisfied. If according to plan, I should finish my last year at community college. Transfer by next year to a University. Life should go from there.

I also found someone who wants a long term relationship. Although younger than me by almost 4 years, I can careless. My point is I hate people who tries to impress with their resume. They can say all they want. But I don’t care. I rather have someone in my life who makes me proud of their accomplishments than to impress me of what they already have. Most of my friends have their lost cause phase in college. After a few years, they finally know exactly what they want and use that plan to go ahead. I’m proud of them. I’m  sure my boyfriend will go through the same. He’ll be lost for a few years. After a few years, he’ll know exactly what he wants and go from there. Before I know it, he’s in success.

It helps me see people grow within the years I’ve known them. Regardless if they’re my best friend or boyfriend, I want to see people grow as an individual. Don’t impress me. Make me proud of you. So don’t tell me I’m making a big mistake in this relationship. I know you’re worried if I wait too long, I might regret being with him. That’s not to judge right now. I have a feeling this would be a good relationship for me. The universe is telling me to not let him go easily.

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life

Yes, I’m weird

I may be weird, but at least I know I’m comfortable in my own skin.

Last night, my boyfriend responded to my question if my weirdness makes him uncomfortable. Shockingly, he finds it a bit bizarre and an embarrassment. But he wouldn’t tell that to my face because I’m his girlfriend. Well, that’s a bit discouraging.

I am a weird person. I tend to say the most random thing ever, even my close friends raise their eyebrows. But knowing them, I know my friends don’t care. If I have to compare my level of weirdness, it’ll be close to Phoebe Buffay’s weirdness. However, I’m only weird when I’m comfortable with you. If you’re just a stranger, I’m a bit shy to show that side. As times go on and if I become acquainted with you, depending on how close we are, I will tend to be weird.

I also have weird friends. We’re one happy family. It’s how I bond with people. But hearing from my own boyfriend that my weirdness is an embarrassment, it’s quite upsetting. If you’re in a relationship with someone, you have to accept them 100%. It doesn’t matter if they’re strange creature or a brilliant creepy mind reader. You accept them a 100%. I didn’t tell my boyfriend about how I feel. The weird side of me is part of my identity. It’s an understanding that my boyfriend isn’t as outgoing as I am. But to care what people think of me is irrational.

We’re in college. If people want to judge me because I’m not “normal”, then screw them. I am being me. No amount of weirdness is going drive me away from connecting with people. If seeing my weirdness is such an embarrassment, then why not just dump me? I feel so degraded, knowing the person I love, doesn’t see my weirdness as something different. I’m not doing any extreme embarrassment. We’ve been in this relationship for almost a year. I’m surprised he’s not comfortable by now. Communication is always the best solution to very concern. But I don’t know if I should even talk about it.

 

life

9/11

I can’t remember much from the event that happened on that day. All I remember was coming home from school as a newly 3rd grade kid. On the television screen, I saw a plane crashing into one of the twin towers in New York City. I didn’t understand nor had any information on why it happened. As I got older, throughout elementary to high school, I was told more information on the event. The day that United States were attacked by evil people. Those evil people were racial profiled into the Muslim or Islam community. Anyone that wears a hijab or turban were considered profiled as terrorist. In my honest opinion, anyone can be a terrorist. The definition of a terrorist is a person (Not Muslim or Islam) who uses unlawful violence and intimidation, especially against civilians, in the pursuit of political aims.

Terrorism can happen in any country with any evil person invading the land. I don’t understand why people think terrorism is related to the ones from Southern and Western Asia. Growing up, I always learned of the evil mastermind, Osama Bin Laden and his group would target the United States. For ten years, the U.S played hide and seek with him. I mostly focus on the evil enemy. Not the whole community. I personally would never jump into conclusion that every person who wears a hijab or turban is a terrorist. Rest in peace to those who sacrificed their lives to save others, but also condolences to those who are harassed everyday because of their religion.

We are Americans. We stick together through thick and thin. No matter if you’re white or colored skin, we all are in one nation. Take a moment in silence not just for the brave men and women died on the tragic day, but also to those who died because of hatred. Together we celebrate all lives lost on September 11, 2001.

life

Relationship Status?

RSseries_photos_Tribeca_01_copy_2

I really love this series. If you haven’t watch or heard about it, it’s called “Relationship Status“. It’s a tv series on an app called go90. Unfortunately, the app is only available to the U.S. The good news is you can search it up on Youtube or google “go90” and you can access to all 12 episodes. Basically what the series talks about is relationships and dating in the ages between 20 and 30. It’s definitely very relatable, considering I understand what each character goes through. Each episode has its own storyline, telling what dating problem each couple goes through.

For example, my most favorite episode, “The Friends” talks about a love triangle between three close friends. Claire, Jason, and Beth are all co-workers yet best of friends. Claire is in love with Jason, but Jason doesn’t feel the same. However, he doesn’t tell her that. Instead, he gave a misleading answer, which gave Claire the impression if she wasn’t his co-worker, then she would most likely to have a chance with him. Unfortunately, Jason and Beth became an item but in secret. Beth want to keep their relationship low, so that not only their relationship won’t be a hot topic in their office, but to keep Claire from getting hurt.

That I can definitely relate to. Because being told by the guy you like a lie rather than the truth hurts. Especially if the lie is coming from a close friend. After watching that episode hundreds of times, I can see how Claire is feeling. She is upset and betrayed by her two close friends about their relationship. If Jason were to be honest and told her the truth earlier, then maybe she wouldn’t be as hurt as in the episode. Now for Beth, I can’t be angry at her because she has nothing to do with it. She didn’t have any idea that her best friend is in love with her boyfriend. I think the only person Claire should be mad at is Jason.

Oh my god. This episode is already giving me the jizz. It’s amazing how these storylines can be so relatable. I’m pretty happy I don’t have to go through hell anymore. I’m done with the nonsense. Now I’m in a loving relationship that is almost going to its 1st year of being together. I made one year with a guy. It’s so cool. Anyway, you should definitely check the series out. It is amazing. I heard they are renewed for more seasons. I hope that’s true. It’ll be awesome to learn more of the characters’ storylines.

 

life

Personal Dark Secrets

It’s no surprise people trust me with their dark secrets. The majority are pretty brutally awful and depressing. It’s not unusual how people talk about their personal stuff. I don’t know what is about me that people become so open. Without even asking, they suddenly pour their hearts out with these stories. When being told these secrets, I would keep it to myself. No one will worry about their stuff being leaked out.

I’ve definitely heard a lot of dark secrets from friends. Especially within their families. It’s no longer in the norm, but it was from before. Usually, I’m fine with learning their pasts. My friends are great people. I don’t think any harm or danger will be coming to them. However, when I learn my boyfriend’s family past, it’s a 50/50 feeling. I’ve been told little details of my boyfriend’s father’s past. I am okay with it. His father was just a silly teenager in the 90’s. It was 20 years ago. He’s now a normal civilian. But after being in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year, he starts telling more of his father’s side’s past.

Oh boy. It sounds very juicy as I can imagine. I honestly don’t know how this is possible. I am super shocked. My boyfriend is like the black sheep of the family. He is completely innocent. Which I am thankful for. Because I wouldn’t be okay with dating someone like that. Then again, my best friend from 9th grade has crazy family secrets. I’m still friends with her. Well because her family hasn’t done anything for the last 30 years. They’re civil people. Then maybe I shouldn’t judge anyone with such past. If my friends’ family past can be excused., then so does my boyfriend’s. No one should be judged based on their past.

life

Excuse Me? PDA much?

I’m sure if singles see a couple down the street. All kissing and mushing each other. The most reaction would be like “Uh .. this is awkward” or “Get a room!” I’ve been in both positions now. Ever since I started dating my boyfriend, I couldn’t get my lips off of him. It’s perfectly normal for couples to express themselves in public. Just not too inappropriate. When I was a single, I usually want to tell couples to stop mushing each other or get a room. But I wouldn’t budge because it’s not cool.

Well, now I’m on the other side, I sometimes do get cautious of others. When I do PDA with my boyfriend, I honestly feel awkward yet embarrassed for displaying such affection. I do get concern if others feel uncomfortable with my affections to my boyfriend. Because most people on campus are single. Or as so I thought they might be. I don’t want them to ever feel uncomfortable. If they do, then I usually calm the tone down and be silent. I know that’s not healthy, but I do care. I know what it feels like when it comes to having a couple make gooey eyes at each other. Then again, it’s nothing to matter. Either way, both sides shouldn’t care. People should be allowed to express themselves.

Just not too berserk or unusual. Singles shouldn’t feel creeped out by PDA either. One day, they’ll be that way and it will feel different. I thought I was going to get away with it someday. But unfortunately, being affectionate towards your significant other isn’t avoidable. No matter if it’s private or public, affectionate for your significant other shouldn’t be limited. Feel free to mush or kiss them. It’s your space, not theirs.

life

Cheated. What to do?

Don’t worry. No one got cheated except maybe a few years ago. It was with a different guy and he’s the cheater. There’s not a day in my blood that I will pursue that kind of temptation. Anyone can say that and later find themselves in the situation. But in all honest to God and my mother’s soul, I don’t find cheating  an exception to relationships. It’s bad. If I ever cheat, then I’d make sure that my boyfriend knows it’s not his fault. Although it’s a terrible feeling, I can’t make the situation lighter if it happens. But it won’t. Because I’m in love with him.

So what do I do if I got cheated on? I just walk away whether the mistress knows or not. I remember a few years back, my 2nd ex, Greg cheated on me. I didn’t catch him in the action, but he admit the truth with a twist. We weren’t really a couple and I know that. However, he didn’t tell me that he stopped those feelings and transfer them into another girl. What sucks more is he didn’t consider me as a friend and blatantly put the blame on me.

I didn’t take my anger on the girl. I’m not the type to go in and blame the mistress. Because what if she doesn’t know the whole story? Even if she does, it’s best to walk away. I’ve seen way too many entertaining videos of girls blaming the mistress. The whole “Hey, you cheated on me with this hoe!” drama is unnecessary. The best thing to do is walk away. Don’t even let the other party talk you out into believing that what they did is a mistake. Cheating is never a mistake. You cheat on my ass. You’re done. I’ve had this conversation recently with my boyfriend. I told him his ass will be gone if I got cheated on. My policy is very clear. You betray, you’re out. No second chances. No “I’m sorry” sob stories. Nothing.

I know I seem like a jerk, but it’s the truth. Why give someone a second chance to cheating? I know some people might be cool with it and think “Ok, I can forgive. They won’t do it again“. But the level of trust will go down. Level of anxiety will go up and ruin the relationship. It happened to one of my friends in college once. He kissed another girl, told his girlfriend, was forgiven, and broke up after three months since the incident. The relationship lasted almost 5 years. As a friend, I couldn’t bare to say to his face that he was an asshole for betraying his girlfriend. The only thing I could say is hopefully he will get his 2nd chances in love after what happened. Some cheaters aren’t always going to remain a cheater. I’ve met two former cheaters in my life. They told me how much they regret doing such action.

So it really depends on the individual. But it’s highly strongly suggested that they stay away from relationships. It’s a perfect timing to reevaluate themselves and learn from their behavior. Meanwhile, the cheated on party should pick up the pieces and move forward. Being cheated on is a terrible feeling. You want some sort of revenge. Honestly, it’s not worth it. Move on and hopefully someone out there will treat you better than your ex. It’s also the truth. If Greg never shanked my heart out, I would never met my lovely boyfriend. I hope this will be the first and last love I receive.