life · lifestyle

Boyfriend and Guy Friends

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. He is well aware of my guy friends and my gal friends. The majority of my friends are guys. Well, it’s because the girls I grew up with are filled with drama. I’m not the type to get involved with drama. I do have a few close gal friends who has the same mentality as me. But majority are guys. I don’t think it’s a problem. I posted this topic a year ago on  Opposite sex friends.  My views are still the same. The only time I feel a guy friend is disrespecting my feelings towards him is on a rare 1 out of 100 chance.  I’m hardly friends with guys who harbor a former crush on me. Most of the time, it’s not easy to get over those feelings. I completely understand if they need time.

However, if they try to pursue the “let’s get out of the friendzone” operation, his ass would be out in 1 second. My boyfriend won’t stop assuming my guy friends having feelings for me. I honestly trust my guy friends. Most of them, I grew up with them in high school. They’re all aware that I’m in a relationship. People might say he’s insecure and jealous. Yes, I’m aware of that. But I kept reassuring that my guy friends are my homeboys. Nothing more than that. If they try anything with me, I’d kick them to the curb. I just hate how people generalize a guy and a girl can’t be friends. If they are, either the guy got friendzone or is gay.

It’s typically boyfriend theory. We live in 2018. None of my guy friends will try to fuck with me. If they want to, they would’ve express it long time ago or play the whole “Your boyfriend is a douche” card. So boyfriend or girlfriend, if you have a significant other that has a lot of opposite sex friends, stop claiming we’re fucking with them. If they did, fuck them. You don’t need these lousy people in your life. Thank the Lord you got rid of them. But if you have a significant other that proves to you that they can balance the relationship between you and their friends, let them be.



life · lifestyle

University Applications Anxiety

It’s been a few months since I send in my applications for Cal State Universities. I just hope my applications are correctly inputted and I get accepted. My grades and GPA should be eligible enough to be accepted. I just hope things will be going well since I’m getting ready to transfer out of my community college. I truly don’t want to be stuck here forever. I already had long years, trying to figure out what to do with my life. My family are nagging at me to get my life together.

I’m practically the only one in my family that hasn’t graduate from college yet. All of my cousins from both sides had already graduated from college on time. I’m the only one left still attending. Sometimes I feel terrible for not having that diploma in my hand. I begin to wonder what will be the life of me. I hope I do get into at least one desirable University, which is Cal State Los Angeles. Hopefully, my answers and prayers will be satisfied by then. Until then, keep up the work everyone. I hope everyone has a good beginning of 2018.


Quiet Winter

So my school started Winter Quarter a couple days back. Normally, I’d be attending the quarter. However, after finishing up the GED courses till I have nothing to take, I stopped taking Winter classes for the past 3 years. I started to do this pretending to go to school since 2015. I didn’t want my parents thinking I’m slumming at home. I would’ve tried to look for a job. However, job marketing is difficult, so I’m stuck with nothing to do. I decide to pretend to go school without my parents knowing I’m free. I tell this to people and they find me weird to be chilling on campus for no reason.

I actually like school, to be honest. It’s my ticket out to avoid the mother at home. If I stay home, she’ll find a way to be complaining about me. Anyway, things have been very quiet since Winter season started. The school looks pretty empty. Usually in a full semester, there would be a lot of people on campus. But due to short semester and long hours in a classroom, it’s quite empty. Anyway, the year starts off okay. School and personal life is going well. I do have many things ahead of me. It feels more work than ever. My braces are 1 and 1/2 year in. I’m hoping to get them off by this month. They seem to be 100% straight and my bite is fixed. I really hope to get off soon. Nothing wrong with braces. I just can’t wait to be free from these chains. Time does fly. Well, I’m hoping for a great 2018. Let’s all take this ride together!


I love Marriages, But I’m Not Crazy

Marriage is just a piece of paper signed by two people. It’s not something new I heard, but not common around me. Most people I know either want to get marry or don’t. That’s it. I find it rare for non-believers in marriage. I did ask my boyfriend about his non-belief in marriages and it’s not a surprise to me that he doesn’t believe in marriages. It doesn’t bug me that he doesn’t believe in it. To me in most indications, I’d interpret his view as “Why would you need a piece of paper telling the world you’re married?” 

I personally am not doing it for a piece of paper. I am just a sucker for marriage. Marriage is an end goal in every commitment. I don’t want to get married because it’ll make me happy. I want to be married because I want to and it’s something I look for in my relationship. I don’t need to be married right away. I have an understanding that some people are in a long term relationship, but aren’t ready for that next phase due to personal reasonings. It’s very frustrating that people have these expectations that if you’re in a long term relationship, you need to get marry after a certain amount of years. Because if you don’t, you’re wasting your time. I’ve hear this a lot, not just in my family, but also YouTube community.

Couples that have been together for a while get questions of marriages and kids. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and two months. I get bombarded with marriage questions from my family. It’s such an expectation that some people hold when it comes to commitments. I just want to tell these people to stop dictating people’s relationships. Like leave them alone. If they want to be together without the paper in their hands, it’s fine. Let them live. We shouldn’t be in a hurry to get to that next phase in their lives. I love marriages, but I’m not crazy. I didn’t grow up as a little girl who played bride in her mother’s dress and heels. I never had marriage in mind until I was 17 years old after claiming my best friend as my future maid of honor and picking out my daughter’s name.

So technically, I didn’t plan this out my entire life. I only decided a family and marriage for 8 years. I think it’s probably why I have an understanding balance of marriages. People tend to mistaken me as a crazy marriage person. Their theory is if you are a marriage believer, you must have it right away. Heck no. I’m different. I do believe in marriages, but I won’t pressure you for valid reasons. I respect people’s beliefs.


Welcome 2018!

Hey, everyone! Happy 2018! I hope last night wasn’t a big disaster. It’s amazing how another year passes and opening to a new chapter. 2017 wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad either. I started off not knowing what to do with my future. I kept on questioning if I should keep pleasing my family. Unfortunately, I learn the hard way that I can’t keep impressing everyone. So, I quit my pre-pharmacy major and declared myself as an English Literature major. With that in mind, I was determined to finish my degree and move on with my life.

I also kept up with old friends while making new ones. People can be very fascinating with their ideology as I invest in my major. My relationship with my boyfriend has many challenges and obstacles along the way. Though it was a handful, we still stick out for each other no matter what. That’s when I realize that I had found true love. We both discusses many phases of our future and hope we do last forever.

In the middle of my 2017, I did hit a major event that created turmoil in my family. On my mother’s side, I lost my grandfather due to unknown illness. A death hasn’t been upon my family since 5 years ago. It was hard watching my grandfather go. However, we all know what’s best for him. His death didn’t stop me from being happy. So in the end, I use his inspiration to continue with my life. I’m now almost finishing up my AA degree for English Literature. I submitted applications to University. I’m growing more and more into an adult every day. I’m hoping 2018 will lead me to a much bigger path and opportunities. So here’s to 2018. Let our journey begin.

life · love · relationship advice

Life Without Him

Even though things are calmer, I still want to put myself in a distant. My boyfriend seem to be noticing my distant behavior. Personally, I don’t feel comfortable with being reminded what happened. I already am covered with guilt. I begin to wonder what life be like without him. Before I met my boyfriend, I was struggling with intimacy and romance. There were suitors, but no potential boyfriend. I always complain to my guy friends that love isn’t real and games are always played. They kept reassuring me that there will be that person out there. I just need to keep my head up. In a meantime, I should feel comfortable being single and finding out what I want in a relationship.

Now I have my boyfriend, I begin to wonder what it be like if I call off our relationship. After a year and one month of being together, what would it like if I just walk away? Will I suffer more than my first love? Am I going to be in a long break? Is he going to the one that prevents me from meeting new candidates? I honestly asked myself that plenty of times. I do love him, however, he just sometimes is a pain in the neck. The good news is I can deal with him as a whole. Nothing about him wants me to strangle him. Maybe a couple. But that’s about it.

But the thing is I can never have the guts to let him go. I usually can let go easily if the relationship is broken or undesired. But our relationship isn’t broken or undesired. I just want him around regardless. People might disagree on this situation. They even will question me. Like what the heck I want? Maybe I’m just scared to face the hardships. As a person who’s never been in fights with people, I hate confrontation. It scares the crap out of me. It’s why I suck at communication when it comes to fights. I personally don’t want to think about it and just move forward. Plus the things I say off my mind, people think I’m an asshole based on my humanity theories. I’m usually the misunderstood person. It’s probably why I’m putting my distant between my boyfriend and I.

life · lifestyle · love

STDS and other Diseases

Update from the last blog, the boyfriend and I didn’t break up. Because of love for each other, we worked things out. It’s a slow progress, but it’s okay in the end. Anyway, why am I talking about this?

We’ve been educated about STDs and other diseases since high school. In high school, they tell us “Don’t have sex. If you do, you’ll die”. Thank you, Coach Carr for inputting that. Then again, he is revealed as a pedophile in the end. So don’t take advice from a coach that is hypocrite to his word. High school health teachers tend to say that as to promote abstinence. They don’t want teenagers to think otherwise. I’ve practice abstinence all throughout high school and some of college. Guys I’ve come across mostly criticize my sex life. From being a virgin to staying safe, they think I’m a prune and will get cheated on by a future boyfriend. Well, fuck them because I came across an amazing guy who truly understands my situation and we made love.

Before I lost my virginity to my boyfriend, I ask him a lot of questions related to his sex life. Aside from being a non virgin, I asked how many sexual partners he had and does he have any diseases that I should be aware of. You always want to have that conversation before jumping in bed with someone. Always. It’s important and safety for you and your body. My mother doesn’t think otherwise. She has talk to me about jumping into bed and intimacy. She is a very anti-sex woman. I understand that because she was born in the late 60’s. Sex was a taboo back then. But because I’m in a millennial generation, I question the talk. My mother always talk to me that I should stay away from sex until marriage. If I date someone, we can’t be extremely intimate. For example, she believes kissing will lead to AIDS. All the salvia contact will get into the body system and I will die.

I personally don’t believe it. I took a Health class in college. My professor did discuss sex education. What I’ve been told isn’t exactly the whole truth. Also, sex before marriage is more initiated than ever. If my mother finds out I’ve been having sex before marriage, she will freak. Not to mention giving me the whole “You will die” speech. She took it up again because of an article about a 20 year old girl dead from cervical cancer. In my opinion, the girl probably didn’t do research and wasn’t careful while having sex. She probably didn’t have the conversation with her partners, so in the end, she came to her dead end. My mother believes sleeping around before marriage is the problem. If she hadn’t slept around before marriage, she wouldn’t end up dead with cancer.

I disagree with that statement. I know people that lost their virginity before marriage. They don’t have cervical cancer. Because they’re not like Barney. I’m not like Barney either. I waited till the right guy comes along. I only slept with one guy. We’ve been having protected sex. I’m not smoking or taking birth control pills. In the end, it’s all about safety. Make sure you be honest about your sex life to your partner. Because you don’t want to end up dead.