So, I’m graduating from community college. But I’m not participating in the ceremony. I mean, I can. I just don’t want to. Also, after graduation, I have to attend summer session for one more English class. Yeah, boo. It sucks. But at least it’s only one more class for my major. Plus summer session is 5 to 7 weeks. It’ll fly by fast. I probably won’t do much during the summer. Even though I have plans. I’ll just finish for my degree. I don’t really need it for University. It just will give me more priority for registering classes and graduating faster. I might as well do that. I still got school before I head to Northridge. I hope everything works out in the end. I don’t want to lag. Anyway, I’ll see you soon in my next update. This is all I have for now.
I have a theory that the rest of the Universities that I applied to will reject me. It doesn’t matter but at the same time, it sucks a little. I personally didn’t want to go to Fullerton and San Luis Obispo. My main two top choices is LA and Northridge. Northridge already accepted me 2 months ago. I said yes as a safety. The rest starts coming in with a “No”. I’m sitting like “Too Late.” I tried not to take it personally. But I can’t help a little. Then I remember it’s okay to get rejected from schools. I have friends who are the brightest bulb ever. They got rejected from their dream schools. My cousin is an excellent student. She got rejected from UCLA. I’m sure many others had gone through the same path. It’s not the end of the world when it comes to rejections. It happens all the time. There’s many competitions in this world.
You are facing against many qualified candidates. I think I should take this rejection as a “Thank you but at least you tried”. So if anyone is trying to apply for Universities in the future and you just happen to come across a rejection letter, don’t take it hard on yourself. Maybe the school doesn’t fit you. Maybe you’re meant to be with another school. It’s similar to dating and relationships. I’ve gone through so many “No’s” and “Maybe’s” in my life just to get a “Yes”. I’m very happy with the guy I’m in a relationship with. I’m sure I’ll be happy when I get into Northridge and experience University life. Until then, keep working hard and don’t give up.
My boyfriend is struggling to find the idea of being in a LDR (long distance relationship) a challenge. From most general’s opinion, a LDR doesn’t work out in most cases. The most common disaster to every failed LDR is either the distance got into them or cheating was in the picture. His first failed LDR involves in both cases. But what hurts him the most was his first love cheated on him. So most likely after that LDR, he wouldn’t want to experience it again. However, things took a turn when the his love of his life will be going away to University and experience LDR once more. I have an understanding from his experience and most failed LDR experiences that it’s awful to go through. But about 1% of LDR couples made it out together. It’s surprisingly great yet hard work.
I wasn’t fond of being in a long distance either. In beginning of our relationship, we were suppose to be in a LDR twice. However, it was a close call when things didn’t go the way he pictured. It wasn’t the third round where we have to be in one. It’s not bad. But the idea of us separated 35 miles isn’t sinking in well for him. I was willing to go through with the idea of being in my first LDR. So far, our plan to go through with this LDR is to have him visit every weekend or 2. If he gets a job and save up for his own ride, he should start in September. I tried to object to that idea of him driving to Northridge for 2 hours and seeing his girlfriend. But nothing stops him because of his love for me.
But I really want to find another way for him to not overthink about us being separated. I decide to google for the best LDR advices I could find. I came across a very interesting blog about a girl going through her 3rd LDR. I know. It’s extremely crazy. You would think she learned her lesson from the first 2 and date someone in her own time zone. To be honest, she had heard her lessons. But it wouldn’t incline her to not be in the 3rd LDR. I read her blog and I find it very relatable and a must advice to digest. The number one mistake most LDR couples make is being clingy and overthinking. With the idea of being separated for -insert number of miles-, one is bound to get either extreme crazy or not. Sometimes the fear of them not around will make you doubt their loyalty. It’s okay to be awry in a relationship. But it doesn’t mean you can go in stalk mode and accuse your significant other of being unfaithful every time. Unless you see them in Vegas and they told you they’re at a family funeral, then go on bitch mode. But other than that, take a chill pill. Also, communicate the right away. Once a week update is enough. No constant text, call, and Skyping. Once a week is enough. I really hope he learns something from his first LDR and don’t screw up with this one. I think God is granting him a second chance.
Sadly, my best friend from high school got accepted to CSULA. That means she and I won’t be attending the same school due to her financial status. I think it is the best for the both of us. I’m meant to go to Northridge. I always complain about leaving my mother and wondering when will I have the chance to be free. Well, this is my chance. I have this freedom granted by God. I really believe God is letting me leave my LA life behind and go onto the next chapter.
I’m hoping to use Northridge as a chance to be more independent. When I head to that next chapter, I hope to gain new experiences and meet new people. Meanwhile, I have to live independently with my 3 new roommates. I’m wondering how it will be, living with 3 strangers. Not to mention and hoping to God they’re not horrible people. I hope not. Anyway, I have 6 months before I head to Northridge. I’ll try my best to finish and spend as much time with my loved ones before a new chapter comes. Wish me the best from now until Northridge.
A few days ago, I decide to make my decision to go to Northridge. I figure it’s my chance to get away from everything in LA. If I stay, I’d be in more misery than ever. So Northridge is the school I chose. However, while I’m figuring out what to do there and what to prepare, I thought about my relationship. Currently, we don’t see each other often. It’s because he’s not in school and I am. The only time we do see each other is in the the middle of the night. Which is something I’m never fond of. I want to see him in broad daylight, but it’s not possible. My best friend and I grew up with each other. We understand the concept of priorities in college. We do have friends that are in Universities. It does get busy throughout the semester. No matter what major you are, life becomes a priority. So judging from what I expect and planning, I am going to be in a long distance relationship for college.
I’ve never been in a long distance relationship and it’s not my thing. I never picture myself in long distance for the first time in my life. Long distance in most general’s opinion never works out. Priorities change, people change. My boyfriend has been in a long distance before. His ex lived 5,000 miles away. The relationship was toxic and discomforting. In the end, they both came into bad terms and he got his heart broken. The idea of me going to Northridge became another fear for him. I’m in a University setting. There’s going to be temptations and new people. However, I am in no need of meeting new people. I could make friends, but as far as dating, it’s a no in my game. I already finished the game. Knowing myself, I’m not a party person. I’ll probably only make friends in a classroom or in my dorm.
Long distance wasn’t a favor to me in the beginning. I’m scared of being in one. But after a few almost long distance, this became a reality. I immediately accept I’m going to be in a long distance for the first time. This is my boyfriend’s 2nd long distance. I’m still in California. I’m just 35 miles away. But if we both put a lot of effort and don’t give up, this will be worth the relationship. He may not worked out with the 1st one, but he’ll work out with the 2nd one. I believe God is giving him a second chance.
I’m 25 years old. I never kissed or was intimated with a guy until my boyfriend came into the picture. Because I have so much affectionate for him, I expressed my affections. My mother never kissed or display any affections towards my father. Being a traditional Asian woman, she believes it’s inappropriate and a sign of disrespect. Especially when it comes into marriage. To her, marriage is a business relationship. You sign a contract and you’re stuck with that person forever. Obviously, I stuck out and rebel against her relationship advisory. Growing up, I’m well aware of STDs and pregnancy. I’ve been told to keep abstinence till marriage. My first kiss wasn’t until college. I feel like she’s holding onto me like a teenager.
For the past couple years, I’ve been rebellious against my mother’s dreams and wishes. I stopped doing what she want in my life. I became an English Literature major instead of continuing in the medical field. I experience intimacy for the first time in a serious relationship. I even snuck out late at night to visit my boyfriend in Downey on Lyft. Which I paid for with my own money. I also even snuck him over. All of these make me feel like a teenager. I know it’s bad to have to constantly lie to my mother about my relationship. But who cares? I’ve had a broken relationship with her since I was born. This afternoon, she yells at me again about what my paternal grandmother said about me. My paternal grandmother believes I’m disrespecting both of my parents. She also thinks kissing in public is disgusting. Almost made it seem like I’m a slut.
My mother scolded me for kissing my boyfriend on the lips. After being told by her sister that she’s crazy, she yells at me for telling her that. She claims that her sister is an underachiever and is to not be asked for advice. She’s pretty biased. I’m wondering how long these two are going at it in my relationship and life. They all say family knows best. But these people don’t. My mother never been through a relationship. Everything she says on relationship is bogus and sounds like coming from a gold digger. My paternal grandmother has done stuff when she was my age. She just never took proud of her decisions. I mean she had a teacher-student relationship with her college Physics professor (My paternal grandfather). She even had pre-martial sex and had a child out of wedlock. Like why she is saying she’s innocent. My mother did nothing out of the ordinary in her life. I don’t know how these two are buddy buddy with each other.
This past month, I felt like jumping off a cliff and hoping I died of head injuries. Usually in the new year, I’d feel happy for the first couple months in the year. Mainly because of Chinese New Year and my birthday. However, I don’t feel happy. My mother started complaining since 2016. As I’m getting older, she complains about how much of a failure I am. No job, sucky education, and no car. According to her, I’m suppose to repay her with everything. I should have graduated from a prestigious school with a high-paying degree. With that degree, I should get a well-paying job so I don’t have to feel insecure about my financial status. Also, I should’ve gotten my driver’s licenses at age 16 and with my own car driving my parents around the city.
But I didn’t do all that. Instead, I stayed home and attended a community college for 6 years. I have a job that barely makes decent money. I ride the bus to school everyday. If I want to hang out with my friends or boyfriend, either I call in a lyft or pray to Jesus that one of my friends have a car to borrow for the day. Dates have to be nearby our houses or a city away. We can’t go anywhere further. That is failure to my mother. What better way than to be at home, hearing so many complaints from her. It is a nightmare. I find her worries extremely negative to the max. You don’t know how many days I am tired of hearing the same complaints for the last two years.
Parents hold this dream of their kids being a perfect little robot so they can show off what great of an invention they made. Well, as a daughter with a broken relationship with a high expectation mother, fuck those parents. We’re not made to achieve your dreams. We’re here to fulfill ours. I get you as our providers that you’re stressing on us, wondering when will we achieve everything. But you’re not doing a good job here. As parents, you have to let your kids decide what they want in life. Not go according to what you think. We’re in college because we want to find our passions and ourselves. If your kid want to pursue a dance major, support them. If they want to be an English major, let them be. Let your kids do what they want, not what you want. Never call your kids a failure. They are way more useful than you think.