Just putting it out there

So sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. There isn’t much topic to touch. Plus I’ve been getting ready to go back to school since it’s definitely around the corner. Anyway, there’s this white supremacy going on. The media is blasting out stories and memes are posted criticizing the situation. A few days back, there was an white supremacy protests amongst the KKK and neo-nazi people in Charlottesville, Virginia. Apparently, these people were all screaming and telling us minorities to fuck off. Counterprotesters were nearby and a fight were lit. In my honest opinion, this isn’t how our country is suppose to be found on. I personally have never come across any racism in my life. California barely has any racism. It’s very rare for a white person to be telling off a minor that they don’t belong if certain English language wasn’t spoken.

But I’ve read stories and histories based on such topic. I have to say it is horrible for how this country is divided. Everyone is fighting with each other. Since Trump took the throne, the people who had been left behind under the Obama administration, decide it’s their turn to take over. After the Charlottesville protest, there was a video from the 1940s surfaced up. It was a public message of anti-fascism. I’ll post the video if you haven’t watched it.

Funny how it feels exactly the same as today. If people from 70 years ago told us not to fight with each other, then we should be able to do it. Unfortunately, nothing has changed in the last 100 years. Racism has always existed. We can make a change and fix our families’ mistake. We just need to stop attacking each other’s political views. Don’t let the media and government tell you that the country should be divided. That’s not what the United States is based upon. America is based upon the melting pot. We all come together as united. Don’t be a sucker.

From Idaho to California

Boy was I tired from yesterday! Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. I did try to blog about a couple of topics, but it wasn’t worth to post. Anyway, yesterday I spent the entire day with a bunch of strangers. Well, they’re not strangers. These people are my mom’s classmates. They all grew up with my mother from China and hadn’t seen each other for 40 years. So it’s a nice reunion. I can’t blame these people for not knowing where to go or what to do in LA. Because Idaho is a small state. There’s nothing much, according to them. LA is a huge city. So I had to help them get to the destinations they want to go.

I’m very surprised these people are fascinated by the dim sums and beaches. Idaho doesn’t have any of it. But what they don’t like is the traffic in LA. LA, San Francisco, and New York has the worst traffic ever. These are the major cities in the United States. I’m sure they’ll get used to it for the week. I also hope they learn to get around. I was literally their tour guide for the whole day. Well, in the morning, they manage to get to downtown LA somehow. But for the rest of the day, I was their GPS. It doesn’t make sense how they have phones and translators (aka the kids). They could’ve asked their kids to translate and use the GPS.

But nope. Make the Native LA girl be the GPS. Then again, it was nice to go to the beach after a long time. But next time, I should prepare for coldness. I forgot Santa Monica is much colder than LA. Because the city is much closer to the ocean, the temperature is cooler. Anyway, I hope they don’t make me to do anymore of the touring for the rest of the week. These people should figure out themselves. After all, they do have phones and internet. I suggest these people use them.

Meeting at Funeral?

Tomorrow is my maternal grandfather’s funeral. That will be my last day to see him before he is buried underground. Mostly, I’m not sad, but I am coping. Also prepared for some crying. Anyway, I’m pretty itching on boyfriend attending the funeral. Originally, I wanted him to attend the funeral in support. But since he hasn’t met the entire family yet, he decide to not come.  I agree with his statement. Meeting the whole family is a huge deal. He only met my mother, her brother, and sister in law back in March. Between March and now, he hasn’t had luncheon or meeting with any other family members. So I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to meet them all at a funeral.

My mother commented how unconcerned he is. I sat there, thinking how ridiculous she sounds. My grandfather is dead. There will be a roomful of strangers mourning for him. That is the worst way to meet my family. Who wants to meet a significant other’s family at a funeral? I sure wouldn’t, but I will give my emotional support to my boyfriend. I think it’s more appropriate to attend if the person is close to my family. But he’s not. So, it’ll be so awkward for him. I think my mother is just being ridiculous.

Also, we’ve been together for 9 months. Well, tomorrow is my 9th month anniversary with him. So that is a happy note. I’m sure there’s plenty of time to meet the rest of my family members. Just not tomorrow. I’m not angry with my boyfriend for not coming. I agree it’s best if he just stays home. So meeting your family for the first time should be at a dinner setting. Not funeral. Worst timing ever.

Single Or Relationship?

People are very interesting. When you’re single, you wonder about being in a relationship with that special person. When you’re in a relationship, you wonder about being single and envy the single people. For me, I didn’t care. I never get jealous of people in a relationship nor was I in misery of being single. Now I’m in a relationship, I can’t act like I’m single. It’s disrespectful to the other person. Everyone knows that except couples in open relationships if discussed. I’m a huge fan of monogamous relationships. I love being tied to one person. I always glamours about it, too. However, it’s not much of a glamorous thing as I ever imagine. There’s some perks to being in a relationship.

Sometimes  I wonder if I had to give up my old life. My old life mostly consists of spending some time alone and with family/friends. At the same time, I never believed in love. Love was the last thing on my mind. My new life consists of family/friends with boyfriend in the mix. But also I believe in love for the first time. After 8 months, I wonder if being in a relationship can be worth it. Don’t get me wrong. I love my boyfriend. But there’s a little of me that wants some alone adventure. I hardly had any alone time these days.

I miss spending time alone. But when I do spend alone time, I want my boyfriend to be by my side. Which is something an independent girl doesn’t want in her alone time. I guess I’m trying my best not to be selfish. Is it wrong to hate being in a relationship? I’m scared I’ll miss out on some things I want to achieve. Months will turn into a year. Then years turn into eternity. For now, I’m just a girlfriend. But later if I become a wife and mother, I wonder if I will achieve before that happens. Or maybe I feel like I’m not me in a relationship. We don’t talk much about anything. So much for imagining being with someone who’s like your best friend.

Racism in History

Racism is prejudice or discrimination against someone of a different race based on belief that one’s race is superior. The term has existed for hundreds of years. Nothing has changed. It may be quiet, but racism is still out there. The reason why I want to blog it is because of last night. I had an interesting phone call with my boyfriend. I asked him a question. The question is “If you were to travel through time, what historical event would you visit?” Most people would straight out give me a specific event and explain why they chose that event. Not my boyfriend. He said, “I wouldn’t visit any historical event because each era is bad. Every generation in the day were racist and ignorant. If I were to visit the era, most likely I would get killed.” 

I have to admit every era has their bad events. Too many wars and prejudices. But I like to look past those times and see the good in it. I usually get fascinated with vintage stuff that has to do with the older era’s. I wish I have a research paper based on why I think vintage stuff is cool, but I got none. I was disappointed in my boyfriend’s answer because it was so negative. It’s hard to look away the racism and prejudices each race suffered. Aside from white southern who think they’re the real Americans. Every race suffered racism and prejudice.

African Americans were told to sit at the back and be separated from white people in every sections. Asian Americans were killed and tortured because the Government believes their people are communist. Let’s not forget our Mexican Americans. People think they steal our jobs and were told to get out of the country. I hope I summarize it correctly. If not, I apologize.

The reason why racism still exist is because people from each race usually focuses on their movement. Not bringing in everyone and march together. I don’t remember any generations marching for people of all color. These days, people march in different sections. An example would be white cop kills black civilian. News get around. People in the African American community outburst into riots and attacks. You hear “Black Lives Matter!” 

Ok, what about everyone else’s lives? People get so focused on only one movement rather than bringing it all together. Like I said, nothing has changed in history. I have to say my boyfriend’s answer is still pretty negative. I may live in California where racism is hardly ever come across. But I rather look at the brighter side and hope one day everyone stops fighting with each other.

Life Sucks, Then You Die

My 9th grade Career Pathways teacher used to quote that many times. I don’t know what he meant by that. I was going to blog yesterday, but didn’t quite felt like it. It has to do with dealing with emotional sadness.

After a month and a few days, I lost my maternal grandfather to death at 3 AM. On the previous day, I made plans with my friends, but my mom cut short. So I was upset that I couldn’t go. But I had a terrible feeling something was going to happen. I didn’t get it at the tip of my finger. Who knew the nurses would be calling you at 2 AM in the morning, but your phone is off. When you wake up a few hours later, you hear the voicemail and had some confusion to why it sounds so urgent. I called back the number, but no one answered.

I figured why not wait for them to call. I think about 20 minutes kicked in and a phone call was received. I answered and it was from a doctor. She informed me about my grandfather’s death on a Sunday morning. I knew his death was coming, but I was still lost at words. I could barely speak anything. The emotional stress took a toll on me and I ran out of my room, with my phone in my hand. Before I reached the front door, my dad immediately got up and came over to me.

He knew what was going on. Daughter crying and doctor calling. My dad asked me, “Is grandpa dead?” I nodded yes while sobbing my ass off. The doctor finally spoke out and said “I’m so sorry, Jane“. I wanted to tell her it’s okay, but I could barely get any words out. All I can do was cry and informed my parents about my grandfather’s death. My mom was in the yard and she had no idea what’s going. She thought I was crying for no reason. Her face was annoyed and told me to utter out. As soon  as I uttered out the news, her facial went from annoyed to sadness.

That was my Sunday morning. 24 hours ago, my mother lost her own father to death. We’re all very sad by the news. I couldn’t believe my maternal grandfather would face death so quick. I thought for sure my maternal grandmother was going to die. Apparently not. It’s also a coincidence, too. My paternal grandfather died 17 years ago on this month, but on the 14th. I lost both of my grandfathers 17 years apart. Now I have no more grandpas. It’s only my grandmas that are left. Lesson learned. Treasure your loved ones. You may never know when they’ll be gone.

College Talk

Last night, my boyfriend came over to discuss his struggles with college life. Earlier, I mention how he doesn’t understand college struggles. Well, now it finally caught up to him. I could sit here and say “Haha, I told you so!” But I didn’t because that would make me look like a jerk.

Also, I want to be there for him as best as I can. Currently, he hasn’t done anything for the last two months. Other than sitting at home. He thought I was going to break up over his struggles. Nah, I would never do that. It’s okay. I reassure him that I’m on the same boat, too. At my age, I’m suppose to get my Master’s degree. But I’m not even close into getting my Associate’s. I still have two more semesters to go before transferring to a University.

Everyone has their struggles in college. Most of us have no idea what to do with our lives. Many students dab into different majors before settling into the one major they’re meant for. About 0.01% already know what they want and got everything on time. Parents like to compare and worry about us when are we going to finish college. Since they already accomplish their success, it’s our turn to show them the success we can achieve. Unfortunately, every school has different requirements to fulfill. It’s not like back in the 90’s where transfer requirements takes 1 year and college is a  piece of cake.

No, that’s not how things work now. Parents really don’t have a grasp of the struggles, we the current generation, are facing. School takes a while to dab. Job marketing sucks because you need connections in order to get a job. Everything is expensive. So I don’t blame my boyfriend for feeling unhappy and lost in transition. I think it finally caught up to him because his dad was giving him the college talk.

Well, let me remind the dad that he has his struggles to. While his ass became a father at an early age, he juggled between school and part time job. Yes, he has money and achieved everything in 2012. But he’s still unhappy. No wife. At age 39, men at his age should be married with kids running around in the house. Your only kid is a walking 20 year old in college. Plus having your own family seems impossible to achieve.

Let’s face it. We all have our struggles. But the only way to success is how we want to write our stories.